My life in China...

Starfish Calendars...

2010-11-22T06:46:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! Starfish has created a calendar with my precious babies pictures on it to help raise money for their medical expenses. If you are looking for a meaningful gift idea for Christmas, look no further!

If I can't physically be there for my precious Starfish family than I think it's the least I can do to financially support their wonderful cause from the State side!

http://chinesestarfish.blogspot.com/

Stop what you are doing now and go buy a calendar. (or two)

Pictures of my babies... or toddlers now...

2010-05-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

So an AMAZINGGGGGG volunteer has been sending me pictures of my sweet babies and I could not be more thrilled to show off how beautiful my babies are.

Karl had his cleft surgery!!! YAYAYAY!! After 3 tries he was finally healthy enough. This was him right after coming out of surgery.

Karl and his precious nanny.

Noa and Karl rocking out their bottle styles.

Thomas is WALKING or at least pulling himself up on stuff. Can you believe it?

Sweet Carmen. Walking.

Antonia giving kisses away for free. If this doesn't melt your heart, nothing will.

She was adopted this past week to Canada.

Look at how big my baby Aaron is on the nannies lap! I took care of him when he was 4 months old! I feel like an old lady.

Stewart being a stud.

This is probably one of my favorite pictures. The nanny is just precious.

Julia and Nadia getting into trouble.

Brian enjoying the slide. I love all of the other kiddos watching at the bottom of the slide.

Handsome Nick.

My JAMES is walking!!! *crawling in this one but he's walking now*

Antonia decided to make the drawer a chair.

Noa

Tim was adopted too this past month.

The caravan of my babies on a walk.

Nick, Antonia, Clara & Noa.

Nick with his rocking comb over.

River being a big boy.

COMB OVER. Love it! Love him.

Tim must have played hard that afternoon.

Can you imagine, an apartment with 20+ toddlers?

Thomas and Noa schnoozing

Brian having a melt down. Bless his heart.

He was also adopted this past month.

This butt would belong to Clara.

Karl already picking up the ladies phone #'s.

MY BABIES ARE WALKING. It's so bittersweet!

T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

Tim again. Play hard, nap hard.

Karl being a cutie.

Look at those faces. Antonia and Brian are both with their forever families and they will be missed by their Starfish family.

**Again thank you so much for sending me these pictures!**

2.5 months later....

2010-01-27T10:43:00.000-08:00

2.5 months later and every time I get on my computer, his face is the one I see...

I don't know if anyone even reads this thing anymore, but I've gone to write in this blog SEVERAL times since I've been home.

But every time I sit down and allow myself to think about how badly I miss my precious babies I leave the computer crying and without a blog post.

So now, I have the strength and so far the tears are being held back.

Since I have been home, I realized how much these precious children and China changed my life forever. I truly did come home a different person.

Better in some ways and more broken in others.

I knew what to expect upon coming home but even when you try to prepare yourself for the emotions, they still take you by surprise daily.

After being home for only 2 weeks I was standing in a lunch line at a local sandwich and soup restaurant. I hadn't really cried at all since I had been home at that point. I was happy to be home with my family and grateful for every moment I had with them.

But there was a young man standing with his back towards me in the ordering line, and there I stood with my mom and grandmother.

After the young man ordered and paid for his lunch he turned around to go and find a seat in the restaurant, and that's when I saw his face.

He was probably 18 years old and he had scars from a cleft lip operation.

And that's when it hit me. I felt my eyes swelling and burning with tears.

And yes, I started sobbing in the line for a sandwich.

I was the crazy lady, crying in the lunch line.

(I resisted running up to the young man and tackling him with a giant hug. That would have made this story a little more awkward)

And the reality sunk in, that I truly was now living across the world from the babies that stole my heart and taught me more about myself than anyone else in this lifetime probably will.

Now looking back, I can laugh with tears in my eyes. I embrace the inner "crazy emotional lady" because it reminds me that I was blessed enough to love such amazing little people.

*Words of advice to any and all readers: if you know anyone that is living across seas doing "missions" or humanitarian projects. When they get home, allow them to talk about what they've seen and done. It truly has been therapeutic and refreshing every single time someone sits down with me and says "tell me everything". (even if they don't want to know about it all)

You will bless someone's socks off my just sitting there and listening*

But after my melt down in the restaurant, I have only had a few more melt down moments since.

Luckily for me, none in such a public setting. :)

But I am just now working through the grief of loosing so many of my little babies.

I thought I had processed their deaths while living in China but looking back I realize I had just scratched the surface. The human heart and mind is such a testament to how complex and intricate our Creator truly is.

Those little adorable Asian faces and smiles are forever locked into my heart and soul.

I still believe that I have never been so close to the Living God as when I had one of His precious orphaned children sleeping in my arms.

They forever changed my life in more ways than one. But they taught me how to love without hesitation and without holding back. And what a blessing that has been in my life. I have never cried so much, but I have never been more grateful for every warm tear running down my cheeks.

And besides RADICALLY changing me internally, my precious babies have inspired me to become a nurse. So now the Chrissy Adams that had no idea what she wanted to be when she grew up, I now know.

I want to become a nurse so I can bless others as much as I have been blessed.

And I have a lifetime to try and give myself away through service and love.

Because that is truly when I feel the most at home and the closest to my Jesus.

I may never see the precious babies that stole my heart away ever again. But I have the faith that they will have amazing lives at Starfish without me and that they will be placed in amazing, loving homes. And that is what I'm praying for them daily. Even if my eyes never look directly into theirs ever again, I can cover them in love and prayer even if I am living half way across the world.

*If you want to see pictures of my babies, you can check out the blogs listed in my blog roll. Starfish Foster Home/Starfish Cleft Home*

God creates beginnings and ends...

2009-11-20T11:51:00.000-08:00

Well I have now been home for 4 days. After 4 days of traveling (yes that's right, 4 days) I made it home safely.

I now feel like I've earned my gold star in international traveling because I missed my first international flight.

What was suppose to be a 36 hour travel period turned into 4 days.

Due to airports being closed due to snow and fog Julee and I missed our connection from Xi'an to Beijing and we had to be "travel savvy" to find our way back home. But even with all of my "savvy", God took very good care of us. My "savvy" only will get us so far.

It was an exhausting and stressful few days but the moral of the story is God was gracious the entire time.

I know I've said it before but I could feel your prayers through out the entire traveling period so thank you so much for being so faithful to pray for me.

If it wasn't for your prayers I might have ended up in a Chinese jail due to having a frantic breakdown in an airport. I had a great laugh at myself because at a few moments while Julee and I were waiting in the VERY stressful AIRPORTS I had the urge to just run down the gateways and jump on planes. And we all know, that would have ended up badly for everyone involved.

But I had a great laugh at myself because we all hear stories of "crazy eyed travelers" doing the most irrational and crazy things in airports and rail road stations and I found myself joining their "crazy eyed" club. I just laughed so many times to myself because I finally understood how people can become so irrational when moving.

But my bed had never been so welcoming when I finally rolled into Tulsa! EVER!

It was magical. Simply magical.

Obviously leaving my babies in China was gut wrenching. But my Jesus is so faithful to me.

I cried and felt overwhelmed but I also had a peace and a joy.

I've been postponing writing in my blog because I truthfully just don't want to relive or focus on how badly I miss them already.

Culture shock has shown it's face in unexpected ways since I've been home but for the most part I have had an easy transition so far.

I've missed home so badly and my family and friends so badly over the past 9 months so I've been so thankful to be back home.

But I don't think I have truly grieved leaving my babies quite yet. But when the grieving does come, My Jesus will be waiting with me.

And He is the best shoulder to cry on and He is the provider of unspeakable peace.

But I wanted to share just a few photo's we took our 2 to last day in Xi'an. I have more to share and more pictures but I don't have the words quite yet. But I wanted to let all my readers know I'm still alive and thank you again SOOOOOO much for your prayers.

I still find myself in awe of how blessed I am.

With a heavy heart....

2009-11-11T05:05:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a short blog post but I wanted to let you know that I will not be blogging anymore until I return back home to the States in less than 2 days now.

My heart is broken about leaving my home here in China and my babies.

So I've decided I'm going to be a sponge for the last short days I have with them and soak up every moment I can.

To think 9.5 months ago I set out on a plane to work with orphans in China.

I thought I had an idea of what the future held for me but I was in for the ride of my life.

If you had told me all of the heart ache and changing of plans that I would encounter I would have hesitated to get on the plane. But thankfully God chooses to keep us in the dark.

But I can assure you that when I stepped on the plane 9 months ago I had no idea how deeply, madly in love I would fall for these precious children.

I feel like while living here I have worn many hats for these babies.

The big sister, the friend, the crazy aunt and the play mate.

But right now my Mommies heart for them is breaking into a million pieces.

I will be giving them kisses in a few days and they might be the last time I ever get to kiss their little faces in this lifetime.

And that breaks my heart.

I wish I could have kept count of the kisses that I have lavished on my precious babies.

The numbers would be staggering. Truly, in the thousands.

But I wanted each one of them to know that I believed with all of my heart that they were a beautiful, desired, and loved child. And that I was genuinely thankful for them.

I constantly think to myself about how I wish everyone in my life could come to this place.

If you could only come to this place and meet these children, then you would completely understand. You would meet these children and your life will be forever changed.

And I will be FOREVER grateful for these children.

I truly believe that the world would be incomplete without each one of them here.

God created them and I am so thankful that He did.

I've always been fearful to love.

It's been a life long struggle of mine.

I watch peoples hearts break in every area of my life and I've always been hesitant to give my heart away to anyone.

But at first glance, I gave these babies my heart on a silver platter.

And I have never once regretted that decision.

Not because they have loved me back or that I feel fulfilled by their love.

But because I find delight in the Lord through loving them.

When we love those that He called us to love, we delight Him.

And His delight is contagious and soul consuming.

So even though I find myself crying and my chest aching, I embrace the heart ache.

And I am thankful for the heartbreak.

Every time my eyes fill with warm tears or my arms ache for a little body to cuddle I will sing praises in my soul for these precious little souls.

I have no doubts that God has big plans for them and I wish I could be a fly on the wall to their life stories.

But I'm hopeful that one day years from now when I am walking side by side with my Jesus that I will make eye contact with a familiar pair of eyes.

And I will be able to spend eternity with them as we praise the Creator together.

Because in the end, we are all but orphans.

And He promises to not leaves us orphans, but He chooses to adopted us into His forever family.

To be adopted into the family of Christ is my prayer for each and every child in this place.

And every time the tears begin to run down my cheeks or my heart begins to ache I will choose to pray for their forever Father to sweep them off their feet and that they would spend their entire life falling madly and deeply in love with their Creator.

We're back with new smiles....

2009-11-09T23:31:00.001-08:00

Well friends, I know you have been waiting to hear about our trip to Beijing.

And we are finally back.

I say "finally" but in all reality I was only gone for 4 days.

But those 4 days were a long, rough, emotional, sleepless, foodless and chaotic but beautiful.

We started off the journey with an hour and half flight to Beijing with 12 babies and 12 volunteers.

I was in charge of taking little Mr Karl.

After we arrived in Beijing we started a day full of tests on our babies.

Tests, tests, tests.

*Cameron and his wonderful nanny waiting in line to take another test.*

In traditional and typical life in China, when we arrived at the clinic for our babies tests, the electricity was out. So imagine having 25 babies and families in a hospital ward waiting to take tests and having the electricity out.

Madness.

But thankfully all of our babies tests came back ok and we were given the thumbs up for surgeries.

*Karl getting blood tests done. None of the babies were very fond of the blood tests. But who could blame them right?*

We did a lot of waiting in rooms and finding new and interesting ways to keep our babies entertained in the spare time.

I constantly thought about what people would tell me as a teenager when I went on youth mission trips.

I remember my youth pastors always saying " You need to be prepared to hurry up and wait".

So thankfully to the many trips I took in high school, I had already acquired the skill of "hurrying up to wait" so we were in luck!

And the babies caught on to this concept very quickly. We have the most amazing babies. So smart.

*Julee and Olivia found another way to stay busy during her down time.*

*Sadie and Sara waiting in the hospital.*

Finally after a long day of tests 4 of us were given the go ahead to head back to the hospital and wait to have our surgery.

Sadie, River, Karl and Jasmine.

*Jasmine and a really sweet Chinese nurse.*

We were VERY blessed to have amazing nurses while we stayed in the hospital.

Both Chinese and American nurses.

I now have a new appreication for nurses and their constant assistance.

Amazing women and men, let me tell you.

The Chinese nurses loved our babies and were constantly taking pictures of their cute little smiles and trying to play with them.

*Jasmine and a Chinese Doctor and Karl and our Chinese nurse all patiently waiting for our surgeries.*

To make a long story short, after waiting in the hospital for about 24 hours with Karl I was finally officially told that he would not be receiving his surgery.

You can imagine, I was heart broken.

Apparently Karl's liver is very unhealthy and we had no idea.

The American nurses thought that poor little Karl might have Hepatitis or Malaria by the looks of his little liver.

Throughout rest of the week we found out that Jasmine, Aaron and Karl were all to unhealthy to receive their surgeries.

But the good news is that the rest of our babies all receieved their surgeries and I have learned that even thought things don't go as planned, I can find plenty to be thankful for along the way.

So thank you Jesus that River, Sadie, Olivia, Tim, Cameron, Tina, Sophia, Hosea and James all received their operations.

*Here is River and his volunteer Tina minutes after River was rolled out of surgery.*

If you've ever seen a baby come out of surgery you know that it can break your heart.

But thankfully all of our precious babies had very successful operations and came back to us with completely different little faces.

We were so blessed to have an AMAZING group of American doctors and nurses that did a FANTASTIC job with all of our babies.

*Precious little River.*

They brought all of the babies back to us naked besides their little diapers.

So we had to cuddle them up in their nice warm blankets and monitor them through out the evening.

Lets just say that there wasn't very much sleeping going on. Every hospital room had atleast 2 babies in it. Which meant a lot of sleepless nights for the volunteers.

But our volunteers were awesome and handled everything like true mommies and professional non sleepers.

But as I wrote before Karl didn't get his operation but shortly after receiving that news I was given the responsibility of caring for James instead. Since Karl needed to return home for further tests.

So from that point on, it was James and me.

The cuddle duo.

*This picture was taken the day after James surgery.*

I was a little occupied when he first came out of surgery as you can imagaine so I didn't manage to take any photo's. But James came out of surgery around 8pm and him and I had a VERY long night.

James was having severe breathing problems through out the night so I had to stay up and care for him. And in China, things are done a little differently, so when I informed the night nurses that he was having breathing problems they hooked up the oxygen mask and told me to hold it on his mouth.

And then left the room.

So I stayed up with James all night, praying over him and trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

At that point my maternal instincts kicked in and I was going to do whatever needed to be done to make sure my little man made it through the night.

And I can truthfully tell you, I felt your prayers through out that whole evening. I never once had problems keeping my eyes open or struggled. I felt like God had reserved all of your prayers for when He knew I was really going to need them, and then He just poured them all over me and my James. So thank you for your prayers. I remember thinking "someone somewhere is praying for us and I can feel it".

Isn't our God just amazing? The ways He shows us love just leave me speechless.

*James, Sophia and Olivia partying in our bed.*

All of the babies have to wear "no-no's" on their arms for a week after the surgeries. The "no-no's" will help keep the babies from hurting their little mouths. And will help prevent the babies from acceidcnatally opening up their stitches.

*Here is James and our AWESOME American nurses Jessica and Matthew.*

These two were so amazing to me, after about the 3 night in a row of no sleep, they were my support system. They were inspiring and such support systems for me and James.

James had a very rough time in the hospital and they both were very mindful of him and patient with us both.

And what we even more encouraging, is that Matthew had a cleft lip himself. He had the same exact cleft lip as James. So of course when he saw James, his heart melted.

But whose doesn't?

*Olivia sleeping.*

But after 4 sleepless days. We finally jumped on the plane with our babies and came back. Not all of our babies are back yet but the majority of them are now.

And when I say "jump" on the plane I mean stumble, crawl and sleep walk our way through the terminals and gates.

It was truly a comical sight. And we were all so exhausted instead of breaking down and crying we decided to laugh until we thought we were going to throw up.

I told Sara and Julee that if we could pick up men at that moment, then we would never be able to loose them.

We were looking pretty rough.

But the babies didn't seem to mind one bit.

And after all, they were the whole reason we were there. So just seeing their sweet little faces made the chaos strangely enjoyable and entertaining.

*So James nose looks HUGE in this photo but it's truly not that big.*

All of the babies have stitches but they should fall out over the next few weeks.

*River in his no-no's.*

I think all of the babies were relived to be back home. And Julee and I were equally relieved.

But now Julee and I only have 3 more days. 3 days people.

I'm in shock. I so completely thrilled to be returning home to family and friends and food. But I'm going to miss my babies so much. I told my mom last night, that I will most likely cry every time I talk about my babies for the first few weeks when I get home. So if I cry when you ask me a question don't be alarmed. Just try to understand that I stutter and hyperventilate when I cry so it might be tricky to understand what I'm talking about.

To be so blessed to live in place like this for 6 months not just blows my mind when I stop and think about it.

These babies truly are God's gift to us and they have forever changed their Auntie Chrissy's life.

And I will miss their smiles and laughs and hugs like they could never imagine.

But you can imagine our delight when we received 2 new babies into the Starfish family yesterday!

Julee and Anna, Me and Matthew.

And Matthew has a cleft lip and Anna has a broken arm.

(I was tickled when I heard our new baby was named Matthew because I just met such an amazing Matthew I knew he was going to be equally amazing)

Living in this place you learn how truly evil people can be but you also see the pure beauty that this world has to offer.

Little Anna was found in a trash can with a broken arm.

To imagine that days before she was seen in a trash can makes me want to fall to my knees and cry.

To grasp the idea alone is mind blowing. But the even more mind blowing reality is that our little Anna was created in Her loving, eternal Fathers imagine and that He said "it is good" after creating her. She was never a mistake and was never undesired by Him. That He placed every hair on her head and every limb on her body. And that He created Her to delight Himself with her relationship with Him. That her Savior is eager to have a personal relationship with her.

And in the end no matter what circumstances that our new little Anna will find herself in, that she will never find herself alone.

She has her Jesus at her side and He has been gracious enough to place her in an amazing place that is full of love and joy.

She is now home at Starfish and we couldn't be more thrilled about having 2 new family members.

Off to Beijing...

2009-11-03T03:49:00.000-08:00

Well friends, our time has come.

We are flying off to Beijing tomorrow morning to take our cleft lip babies to have their surgeries.

I am excited and sad all at the same time.

But I know that even though their little smiles aren't going to be the same, that their lives will forever be changed for the better.

I remember when I first moved to China I heard one of my friends say that he loved cleft lip babies. And I remember thinking to myself "what a strange statement to make" and now I COMPLETELY understand.

When a cleft baby smiles you find yourself smiling.

Their smiles are sent from our Father in heaven to remind us that we have a little piece of heaven here with us.

They are precious to Him and precious to me.

But we are taking 12 babies to Beijing and 12 volunteers.

FLying with babies, taxi's, hotels, hospitals, surgeries, recoveries and traveling all over again.

Please lift us up in PRAYER over the next few days.

Please pray that ALL of our babies are healthy upon arriving to Beijing and are eligible to be operated on.

Please pray for health, a clear mind and peace on all of the volunteers that will be responsible for a baby 24 hours of every day for the next 5 days or so.

And please pray that God would guide our travels and that we would have a very enjoyable traveling time period.

A lastly please pray for the doctors hands, pray that God would allow them to preform at their highest potential and that the surgeries would all go smoothly without complications.

I will most likely be off the radar over the next week or so but if you need to contact please do so through e-mail : Chrissy.nicole.adams@gmail.com

Thank you so much for your prayers! And I will be sure to take as many pictures as I can!

Thank you for such amazing readers and friends.

I will take any and all prayers for myself over the next 10 days since I will be mourning leaving my babies and leaving my life here in China.

I can truly say that with all the tears that I will cry over the next few weeks, I will laugh more.

We are not short of joy and laughter with all these babies running around.

They are truly a delight to anyone blessed enough to be around them.

I'm truly blessed beyond measure.

Blessing others with our blessings...

2009-11-02T02:22:00.000-08:00

Well even with Halloween in our past, things have remained SUPER busy here @ Starfish.

This a completely random/pictureless blog post but it's something I wanted to write about before it was to late.

First let me go on record saying this: I HATE (hate, hate, hate) asking anyone for money.

I know, contrary to popular not all "missionaries" enjoy taking your money and asking for your money.

Some of us despise the very thought.

And I know the state of the economy at home and everywhere else in the world.

I know that it's getting harder and harder to make ends meet.

So this post isn't asking you for money, but it's giving you an opportunity to bless 47 babies with your money.

I'm leaving Starfish in less than 2 weeks.

You've heard my stories, you've seen these precious babies and I hope that my experiences have helped you with putting names and faces alongside the word "orphan".

I think that's one of the most valuable things I've learned while living in China working with orphans, that when we stop seeing the children as an orphan and start seeing the child as an individual personality and soul with a name, then we are able to truly LOVE these children like He does.

To see past the name orphan, refugee and widow.

And to open ourselves to the heartache, to let our guard down and choose to love someone even if they can't love us back or even if they don't know how to love us back.

To hear our Savior's call to love and choose to love, no matter the pain.

Not because they need our imperfect love, but because we received perfect love when we were unable to love back or before we understood how to love.

Because He choose to love me when I was an orphan and He chose to adopt me into an eternal relationship with Him.

But when I first started writing about the babies I stated that I wanted for my family and friends to have the opportunity to pray for these babies individually and to consider financial support.

Now is your chance.

If you want to give a financial gift to Starfish Foster Home, I will present Amanda (the director/founder) with any money given before I leave China.

I just wanted to give my readers a chance to be able to bless this amazing place that I've called home for the past 6 months now.

You know the faces, you've heard the stories and You serve the same God as I do.

And our God loves these babies even more than I do. (hard to believe I know)

So that's that.

Even though I'm the one living here, you guys have been with me every day while I've been here.

Through prayer, encouraging words or financial gifts.

And I know that you have the same heart beat for these children as I do.

And I wanted to give you an invitation to participate even more than you already have.

*So if you would like to help me leave Starfish Foster Home a love gift before I leave China please send your checks to my home:

Janet Adams

5694 W 161 Street N

Skiatook, Ok 74070

Write in the Memo that the check is for : Starfish Babies

And I will make sure that your gift gets to Amanda and the foster home. I will be leaving China is a matter of 12 days so please send your checks before 11/10. I will make sure that your gift is left with capable hands and 47 mouths. :) *

My gift to you....

2009-10-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

Well we have had a very busy couple of days here at the foster home.

Really busy.

But as you know Halloween is today.

I've never been a fan of Halloween because I don't enjoy being scared or scary things.

I swore off of all scary movies at the age of 18 and I believe that was one of the wisest things I've ever done for myself.

Even just today, I was baking cookies for the nannies in our kitchen and a volunteer came into the kitchen to ask me a question, I screamed and jumped when she started talking to me because I had no idea she was there.

I'm a bit of a scaredy cat.

But I love babies and I love babies in costumes so you can imagine my delight when Amanda told me that we were going to be taking pictures of all of our babies in Halloween costumes.

If you love babies in costumes, this blog post is my gift to you.

Sofia, Justin and Faith as viscous monsters

Hosea as a lion. He reminded me of the lion on Wizard of Oz. So cute.

Bless Karl's heart, he wound up in a rather feminine costume but he still managed to look handsome.

James as a little puppy. He was even playing the role of a little puppy because he couldn't stop scratching himself.

Although the scratching was due to the fact that poor little James has SCABIES. Yes you read that correctly. I told you we've stayed busy around here. I wasn't joking. Poor baby.

Thomas being Tigger.

Olivia

Aaron

Stewart

Ok, these 3 keep me laughing all day long.

Clara, Stella and Julia.

The free spirit, the giggle box and the flower child as I like to call them.

They were to much fun at this photo shoot. I love them all.

You don't think I would look strange carrying 27 babies through customs with me on the way home do you? Because if there was a way, I would become a mommy of 27 in a heart beat.

Cameron being ferocious.

River

The 2 little princesses, Matilda and Jessica.

And there outfits totally match their personalities. Both of these 2 little ladies have become quite the little diva's.

Nick wasn't thrilled about he outfit but this pictures is one of my favorites.

And that is just a few of my favorites. We had 47 babies dressed up in their costumes all at once.

Just imagine if you will, 47 babies crying, giggling, pulling their costumes off piece by piece.

Nannies screaming over all of the babies screaming, crying, laughing and Julee and I on the verge of emotional breakdowns because of the chaos.

I think if wikipedia had been at the foster home on this day, they would have made a new meaning for the word chaos.

It would have been changed to "taking pictures of 47 babies under the age of 3 in their Halloween costumes all at one time".

But I would do it all over again.

The crazy things we do for these babies. I love it and I love them.

*Yesterday we hit our 2 week countdown until we leave China for good.

2 weeks, can you believe it?

With that in mind, if you can think of a way that I wouldn't look suspicious walking through US/Chinese customs with 27 babies, please contact me immediately. *

Slides and Craziness...

2009-10-25T05:18:00.001-07:00

Those of you that are my facebook friends might already know this but.......... we found a SLIDE.

It's in our apartment complex park and it's been there this whole time.

But due to the MASSIVE apartment complex that we live in, we just stumbled in on it a few days ago.

And I can now confess that I am addicted to sliding.

(words that you thought you would never hear me say, huh?)

Actually I addicted helping the babies go down the slide.

We decided to take a few extra kids on the afternoon stroll through the park a few days ago and this is what we looked like.

Not a bad looking group of people. Both big and little.

I got tickled at the fact that we kind of looked like a "stroller gang".

And believe me, our babies and nannies could probably give a true biker gang a run for their money.

So many little faces. Most of them are all occupied in this picture by the crackers in their hands, on their faces or on their neighbors back.

A family that loves each other, shares with each other.

Me and Stella going down the slide for the first time.

I was so impressed with our babies because every one went down the slide and NO one cared at all.

We have such brave little babies.

Brian and his nanny. We also learned on this day that Brian can now climb up steps all by himself.

To our surpirse we turned around and he was half way up the stairs on his way to slide again.

After screaming in shock/fear it was quickly followed by shrills of joy because he seemed to enjoy the slide as much as his Aunt Chrissy does.

Tim's sliding style.

That is one thing I know after living here for almost 6 months.

Every single one of these children have their own style and way of doing things.

This picture basically describes Tim's.

Love him.

Aunt Julee and Matilda going down the slide.

And sweet Thomas smiling the whole way down.

I found myself thinking about how precious these little ones are to me on this infamous "Slide Day". And even though I love them with everything in me, how I wished their "forever families" could be here with them instead of me.

I want these babies to have every opportunity of a "normal" childhood and a loving one at that.

But I want for their families to be able to have these experiences with their children.

So I decided I will love them while I have them and I will take them down as many slides as they want.

And then I will let their "forever families" take care of them through their teenage years.

Because I seem to remember that whole experience kind of feeling like a slide at times too.

I think it sounds like a fair trade.

But still I took pictures for their families so that one day when they do finally have their forever families, their parents will be able to catch up on how much love their child received here.

Silly faces and encouraging words...

2009-10-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned how adorable these children are?

On a typical day here at the foster home a few days ago Tim was having another epic meltdown in his high chair. So in my goofiness of trying to cheer him up I made a silly face at him and he started giggling instead of crying. You can imagine my surprise, most of the time I make silly faces and the kids just sit there and look at me like I'm the "crazy old bag lady".

So Tim found it so entertaining he started trying to make the face himself.

And now almost every time he sees me, he makes this face.

Try to ignore my obnoxious laughter in this clip but he is just to cute not to share.

The cutest kids in the world. Can you believe I have been so blessed to live here with them for almost 6 months? He's is sooooooo good to me.

I was encouraged by an e-mail that a faithfully encourgaing friend sent me a few days ago.

I sent my mom and e-mail a few days ago talking about how I was trying to decided which would be the best way to "cry" about leaving my kids.

Whether I should take time in each day for the next 23 days and cry my eyes out or if I should just hold it all in until the day I leave.

(that plan could have a few hick-ups since my eyes would most likely be swollen shut and that would make it a little difficult to travel internationally with all of our luggage)

But anyways back to the e-mail my awesome friend sent me.

I found it incredibly practical and encouraging and I thought I would share just a few parts from it because it has helped me so much over the past few days.

You might not be moving to a foreign country or making any huge life changes but anxiety has it's sneaky way of creeping into almost every life situation.

"Anixety is the result of envisioning the future without Me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts toward Me, you can think more positively. Remember to listen, as well as to speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with me. If you must consider upcoming events follow these rules:

1) do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there

2) remember the promise of my continual Presence, include me in any imagery that comes to mind. this mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies. However the reality of my Presence with you, now and forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could EVER imagine."

Can I hear an amen and an amen? Really I loved reading this.

Amazing truths.

So to whatever is consuming your thoughts about the future I pray that those words of advice bless your life like they have blessed mine.

------------------------------------

Changing gears completely, in usual Chrissy style.

Nava is having her surgery tomorrow. She left over a week ago to have her heart surgery but upon arriving for her surgery she was diagnosed with pneumonia. And as I have shared before only healthy babies can be operated on so Nava's nanny and the doctors have been working on getting little Nava healthy enough for her surgery.

And the doctors have finally given Nava the thumbs up for her operation.

So please be in prayer for her little heart through out the next few days.

Also, Teresa the baby I wrote about a few days ago has left for her spinal surgery today and should be having her operation tomorrow as well.

So please be in prayer over those two precious babies.

Oh an the latest most lovely news as of this evening, Scabies have invaded the foster home.

Yes, you read that correctly. Scabies.

GROSS. and OUCH.

James and Stewart were both diagnosed today with the nasty little skin mites and I have already started bathing the down stairs apartment in prayer.

Please pray that Scabies would not spread to any other babies or nannies.

There is always a lot of stuff going on here and always tons of things that could be prayed for!

These babies could keep prayer warriors busy 24/7.

We play hard and we crash even harder...

2009-10-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

We know how to do 2 things really well here at Starfish.

Actually 4. Eat, Play, Sleep and Poop.

And when I say "we" I mean the babies.

We are constantly entertained by the babies falling asleep in strange possessions and places.

Julia had to much fun at the end of a long day and decided she would take a nap.

This is James and Tina taking a nap on one of our Italian volunteers.

Stewart in deep thought while sleeping. Notice the towel under his elbow, the babies in the down stairs apartment use towels as security blankets. There are always towels being cuddled or stolen.

The blue room had to much exercise in the AM hours so they decided to crash all at once in their bouncers.

River fell asleep with the star toy in his completely outstretched arm. His arm stayed in the air for about 20 minutes.

Clara and Brian feel asleep on us in the taxi ride.

Julia has a thing for taking naps on the feeding chairs.

And this video is of Matilda a few months ago. She had a week or so when she would fall asleep every night around 6. No matter what she was doing. Playing, eating or attending her own birthday party. She was so precious but that phase only lasted about a week.

Darn it. It was so cute.

Only 27 more days...

28 days and toes...

2009-10-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

Today I had a first.

I broke my first bone. (at least I think I did)

I broke my little toe on my left foot.

Traumatic news, I know.

22 years of my life lived without a broken bone and I was shopping in the super market today minding my own business pushing my "buggy" or cart and the man in front of me came to a screeching halt.

And therefore due to his unexpected stop, my foot slammed into the wheel of my cart.

So my poor little toe was the victim of a "cart hit and run".

And I was subdued into a moment of silence instead of screaming in the market.

I already stick out pretty badly but if I had screamed and cried, I might have drawn a little more attention than usual.

So that is my big news.

Vain, yes but painful, yes.

Onto more non-toe related news.

We have 28 days left in this country.

We have countdowns on our computers and are constantly reminded of our fleeting time here with our babies.

I started my countdown when I had 68 days left and now I'm in the 20's.

When I hear the number 28 it is always paired with dramatic music in my mind.

Titanic, Armegadon and Braveheart kind of dramatic music.

But I feel as if I'm stuck between two countries again.

(I felt this way right before moving to China)

I feel like my heart will always be at home in Oklahoma because that is where my family and friends live.

But I have now given pieces of my heart to babies and children here in China.

Have you seen the movie "A walk to remember"?

Cheesy, I know.

When they go on their first date together and he takes her to the State line.

And she's standing on the border of 2 places at once.

I feel like her beside I don't have a cute man and instead of a State line, I have a giant ocean.

It's a very strange feeling and I don't know how to explain it other than that.

I am ready for what lies in my future because I know that my Savior will be with me every step of the way.

But I have 28 days to give away as many hugs as I possibly can to the cutest kids in the world.

Our little Teresa...

2009-10-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

Teresa is the youngest/newest baby here at Starfish.

She is around 3 1/2 months old and she has a small tumor in here spinal column.

Teresa has a unique story compared to the majority of the babies here because we know where she was abandoned.

Her parents left her on the front steps of the only Catholic church here in Xi'an.

We received a phone call from the church asking Starfish to come and pick her up.

But due to government rules and regulations we are not able to take in babies off the street.

So Teresa stayed at the church until the orphanage came and picked her up.

The priest and staff at the Catholic church decided to name this little girl Teresa, after Mother Teresa.

The director of Starfish then did her best to keep updated on little Teresa with the intentions of eventually making her a part of the Starfish family.

Teresa was then sent to the hospital with a virus and was given vague chances of surviving from the bacteria that was attacking her little body.

When the director of Starfish heard this news she started calling doctors and asking if there was anything we could do to give Teresa a better chance at life.

Amanda found that we could buy a very powerful antibiotic that would give little Teresa a chance.

And so she did. It was a very expensive antibiotic and even though Teresa wasn't in our care, Amanda wanted to do everything in her power to make sure that this little girl survived and grew up healthy and happy.

Long story short, Teresa lived and gained strength over the next few days in the hospital and eventually came to live with us here at Starfish.

Now she is eating us out of house and home.

And she will be recieveing a much needed surgery at the end of this month to remove the tumor in her spinal column.

But right now she mainly eats, sleeps, and wakes up for a few minutes in between to smile and talk to anyone willing to talk to her.

This little girl is a miracle baby.

And I think Mother Teresa would be honored to know that she has a beautiful little girl in China named after her. Hopefully one day our little Teresa will grow up and want to serve and love others like the woman she was named after has.

*I have not heard any updates on Nava's surgery but that usually means that everything is going as planned. But we have been having a few crazy days around the foster home and I will be sure to update you on her status when I know more information.*

Nava's heart....

2009-10-11T17:52:00.001-07:00

Nava is a beautiful baby girl. She is around 8 months old and she has several heart conditions.

She is a very content child and can find entertainment out of almost anything.

She loves being in her bouncer and she has mastered how to bounce herself using only her legs.

You wouldn't believe how strong this little girls legs are, we call her "thighs".

(which now that I think about it isn't the most flattering nickname for a young woman but we mean it only in the sweetest way possible.)

Nava left this morning to travel to a different city in China for her heart surgery.

She has 2 holes in her little heart and another heart defect.

I wanted to post about her right away so I could have people praying for her all over the world.

We have all the hope in the world that Nava will return happier and healthier to the foster home. But obviously any heart operation has it's risks.

So please be in prayer with me over the next few days that Nava's doctors would be well rested, clear minded and operating at their full capacity on this little ones heart.

Please pray that there are no complications during her operation or her recovery.

Please pray for her nanny who is traveling with her to have peace during this time of stress.

And please pray that our little Nava's heart would be miraculously healed through either the doctors hands or our Fathers.

I will be sure to update you guys as soon as I hear any news.

Thank you for your prayers.

Funny mornings are the best...

2009-10-09T06:40:00.000-07:00

So some mornings are just magical around here.

I don't know if it's because the planets align or if we feed the babies their favorite foods but when it happens, it's magical.

I walked into the baby apartment and saw so many of our babies doing hilarious/super cute thing.

I thought I had to share some of these photos, I took all of these within a 10 minute time period. Our babies are so cute.

Julia fell asleep in her feeding chair

This picture looks like Clara is being cute and giving Karl a hug but no. She's trying to steal his bottle. And as a average young boy he's clueless!

Caught half way through the act. Even though Clara is on Karl's back and holding his bottle, the poor child is still clueless to what's going to happen.

And this was when I had to step in and remove Clara from Karl's bottle. But she was still persistent to keep both eyes on his bottle.

Do you ever have one of those days when everyone else bottle looks tastier than yours?

Well that day was today for Clara.

Looked over to the other side of Julee and saw that Matilda is trying out a new style.

Low rise pants meet your match.

And then I turned around and saw this on the other couch. Tina and Thomas found their way into a box. Our kids are talented and cute.

Then Karl decided he would mangle Julee's hoodie draw string.

And then I saw Clara doing her normal morning stretches.

And Tim was trying to show her up.

And then Julee and I introduced the nannies to Jon & Kate Plus 8.

We thought the Nannies would like to see a women that had 6 babies in her belly at the same time.

Julee was right, they were impressed.

And while rest of the room was in chaos of cuteness/funny moments I looked to see Carmen holding half of the toys in her lap.

I love my babies. I love magical/random mornings here at Starfish.

I was just innocently walking through the baby apartment to try and get the milk out of the community refrigerator and stumbled upon all the cuteness of my babies.

What am I going to do when I own my own refrigerator in my own home.?.

Maybe I'll hire the Gosslein family to come and stay at my home so I can always see cute Asian babies on my trip to get milk for my cereal.

P.S. My mom has started keeping a blog and I love her so I thought you guys should read it.

http://janetadamsgrace.blogspot.com/

Tim the big teddy bear...

2009-10-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

Everyone meet Tim! I love this video of him because it shows you how fun loving this little boy is. Tim is around 16 months old. (it's so hard to keep up with babies ages after staying with them for 6 months) But anyways Tim is a sweetie. He is one of the oldest kids in the downstairs apartment and he keeps us laughing. If you'll remember a few weeks ago I posted pictures of an afternoon walk that I went on with the kids and I took a picture of Tim throwing a fit on the ground.

Love that picture.

Tim doesn't throw tantrums very often but when he does, they are usually epic. But usually I always call him the giant teddy bear. Tim has a very distinct looking cleft lip that protrudes out of his mouth. But other than his cleft lip and palette, Tim is healthy. Tim's laugh is contagious. Now that a lot of the babies are getting older we have the luxury of sitting back (at times) and enjoying watching them play with each other. With 28 babies all living in one apartment sometimes you feel like your bending over backwards to entertain several children at the same time. So it's been WONDERFUL to watch the older babies play by themselves and get tickled at watching one another do goofy things. There is nothing cuter than seeing these babies play with each other and enjoy each others presence. We definetly feel like a giant family and we always joke about Tim and Brian thinking they are twins. They are the 2 oldest boys in the home and they are the "cool kids". Tim will be one of the babies that we will be taking to Beijing in November to have surgeries.We will be taking 15 of our babies on the journey to repair their little mouths and lips.

15 babies + 15 volunteers + planes/trains/taxis + hospital for surgeries = my plans for November 5-10. Any and ALL prays welcome.

But I am very excited for Tim to be getting his surgery. This poor little guy has been scheduled to have his cleft lip surgery 3 times before but every time missed out on the opportunity due to illness. If our babies are the least bit sick, they don't get surgery. So please be praying that ALL of our babies maintain superb health over the next few weeks so that they can all travel to Beijing and receive them much needed surgeries. Although I love Tim and his little smile now, I want what is best for him and I want him to have every opportunity that he can have at a better life. So I will miss his little crooked smile but I will be thankful for his new little picture perfect smile.

39 days and counting...

2009-10-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

First thank you for your prayers about the apartment issues we have been facing.

No new information but I would be forever grateful if you continued to pray with me about the entire situation.

On another note......... I will only be living in China for 39 more days! (insert gasp here)

As I have mentioned before Julee and I have bought our tickets to return back to the States on Nov 13th.

Tomorrow we will celebrate our 8 month of living in China.

We were talking about our past 8 months today over coffee (yes, I drink coffee now)

and it was amusing for us to talk about how much we've learned over that time.

8 months doesn't sound like a significant time but boy have we been through a lot while living here.

I got on the plane 8 months ago as one version of Chrissy and I will be getting on the plane as a newer version of myself. Hopefully one resembling more of my Jesus.

But now that we are officially under 40 days until we leave and my mind has been going 100 mph.

I walk in the baby apartment at times and I find my eyes welling up with tears knowing in 39 days I will no longer be able to hold my babies at any given time.

I will miss their smell as I walk into there apartment at night. You walk in and hear an orchestra of little snoring noses and you smell a distinct/beautiful baby smell.

When I smell them and hear their little snores I feel completely at home.

It's one of my favorite things I have ever experienced.

But I have found myself feeling the closest to what I would imagine a mother feeling.

I keep thinking about what could happen when I am no longer here with them.

I am not the mother to these babies but I have fallen in love with them and have created a maternal like bond with them.

I feed them, I change their stinky diapers, I wipe their snotty noses, I hold them when they are upset, I am there with them during hospital/dentist visits and I cry with them when they are sick.

And I have an unspeakable joy and love for each and everyone of them.

They are God's gift to this earth in my opinion and I couldn't imagine this world without them.

I look at them and a feeling of love floods my heart and I can't do anything but thank Jesus for my time I've had with them.

But recently I've been struggling with the idea that I will only have a few more weeks with them before we are separated by a giant ocean and millions of people.

And I found myself worrying and fearful of what I am going to miss in their little futures.

And this is when I truly felt like I had one of my first "mommy Chrissy" moments because I found myself thinking that these babies were mine to protect and love.

(which is hysterical because these babies are loved beyond measure and cared for beautifully)

But I had a moment none the less.

And in that moment I had a famous *God slap*.

And I heard a small voice in my heart say "they were never yours, they are Mine".

And I realized as silly as it sounds, I have had a mindset that these babies are mine.

Somewhere along the time we have been here I took my God given gifts in my own hands and said "these are mine now, thanks Jesus but I've got it from here".

If you haven't noticed yet, I'm a slow learner at times and I never cease to amaze myself at how quickly I take situations into my own hands because in my silly little mind, I think I can do it better.

I have developed the illusion that I have these babies in my control or grasp.

But in reality, they never were mine to have.

One of the first things God taught me when I moved to China was that I was a "nobody".

Meaning, God allowed me to move to China and work with orphans but in reality He didn't need me here.

He is the all powerful God, He could have a thousand more qualified people here in a heartbeat to work with His orphaned children.

I was not here to change any child's life. Because I cannot change anyones life for the better in and of my own strength.

I am merely in China because God opened the door and I vowed to live a life of worship to Jesus in whatever way I could.

But in no way did China need me. And in no way did these orphans need me.

They need Jesus. In the same way that I do. And you do.

And strangely enough, I found comfort in the fact that I am a nobody.

I wrote in my journal " My desire for my life is to simply be a forgettable or invisible character in the story. But a character in the story none the less. Because where the story ends up is where I want to be"

But somewhere along the way I lost sight of that truth and decided that I loved these babies to much not to grab them up in my own arms and create the illusion that they were mine.

But over these past few days I have realized that I love these babies even more than I ever could imagine I would.

And because of that love, I have to give them back to Him.

The only One that can truly love them the way they need loved and the only One that can truly protect them.

My babies are not mine. They were and always have been His.

And I am giving them back to Him.

Everyone one of them.

So Lord I give you:

Karl, Cameron, Olivia, River, Nava, Matilda, Jessica, Antonia, Brian, Tim, Nadia, Julia, Clara, Stella, James, Stewart, Tina, Aaron, Megan, Anthony,

Thomas, Noa, Carmen, Jasmine, Sadie, Libby and all the rest of Your precious babies.

I am grateful and humbled to have met everyone of your Precious children and I have learned so much about your love for your children through my relationships with your precious orphaned babies. My heart will grieve the reality that I will no longer be here to wipe their little tears but my heart will rejoice in the truth that You will always be with them.

And that I will forever be with You.

So I will most definitely cry my eyes out when I have to leave my babies.

And I will miss them terribly. And I already have an aching in my stomach about leaving them and missing them.

But I have complete peace that when I leave this place, my babies will never be alone.

And even though I won't be here to wrap my arms around them, He will never leave their side.

And that although they are not mine to give, I am giving them back to Him.

Responding with love...

2009-10-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovely friends.

Today I'm updating my blog on the latest events happening here with the foster home because it's been an interesting past few days.

As you may or may not know, this particular foster home is actually ran out of apartments in an apartment complex. We have 2 units, 1 on the 5th floor and 1 on the first floor.

The foster home is set up this way because 4 years ago when Amanda received her first 6 babies she simply took them into her own home and cared for them.

4 years later she still cares for babies in her own apartment and has taken in so many babies over the years there was a need to more space. So now we have 2 apartments.

But over the past few weeks there have bee several issues with neighbors.

And unfortunately things have gotten very ugly.

The neighbors have made it OVERWHELMING clear that they want us to be evicted from the apartment complex.

Without going into the dirty details and rant and rave about how these people are being completely heartless I'm going to ask you to do something more productive.

I'm going to ask you to pray with me.

1. Please pray that God would give us wisdom on what the next step should be.

2. Please pray that God would give us peace and forgiveness towards the neighbors in this building that have falsely accused us.

3. Please pray that God would change the hearts of our neighbors so that they would be willing to sit with the Director and have a positive discussion.

4. Please pray that God would protect our belongings and foster home property.

5. Please pray that God would direct the Directors footsteps daily into a new living space.

6. Please pray that through out this whole drama filed process that God would continue to keep His hand over our home and our babies.

I ask you to pray because I believe in the power of prayer.

You are making a difference in these babies lives through your prayers.

Daniel...

2009-10-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

Everyone meet Daniel

Daniel has an unusual story compared to the majority of our babies here at the foster home. Daniel is around 7 or 8 months old and he is completely healthy. (as far as we know)

But what makes his story unusual from the rest of our babies is instead of being brought to us from the orphanage we picked him up from the hospital.

We got a call from the hospital notifying us to pick up a baby that had been left there. Daniel was left at the hospital because he was believed to be positive of the HIV/Aids virus. We don't know if he had been tested positive for the virus but we knew he was abandoned. Daniel was picked up and tested again for HIV/Aids 3 times, and all 3 times his test results came back negative. (praise Jesus)

But he was already around 2 or 3 months old. So at that point he had already been neglected pretty severely. The back of Daniel's head was very deformed due to laying in his bed for the majority of his little life. We are assuming that where ever Daniel was before he was at the hospital he was already believed to have the HIV/Aids virus and due to that he was not handled for fear of contracting the disease.

But like I said before, Daniel is completely virus free. (thank you Jesus)

But he is a sweet little boy. He was very inactive and unresponsive when he first came home to Starfish but through love and care Daniel is recovering very quickly.

He didn't have any control over his neck or limbs at first because he had never been properly exercised but now through hard work he can hold his head up on his own.

He's a precious little guy and is always learning and growing stronger.

His story was heartbreaking but now he as hope of a beautiful future.

One full of love and hope and a forever family.

I love going on walks..

2009-10-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I love the fall weather? Today was a beautiful day and we took the kids on their daily walks through our apartment complex park. Taking walks with the kiddos have become the highlights of our days. The weather is amazing and our babies are getting big enough to really enjoy themselves.

Anyways I took pictures during an average walk today.

Tim being cute on the park bench.

The kids are usually double or tripled in these strollers so it can be a tight fit. But we all love each other, so we don't mind.

Antonia, Brian and Stewart

Nadia leaning on her buddy Julia

Thomas

Brian has officially started walking this past week.

We turned around the see Antonia making a run for it. :) She was the first baby downstairs to start walking and now every one is trying to be as "cool" as Antonia. This is a good picture of our apartment complex too. We live in a very nice area.

The older kids from upstairs joined us on our afternoon park. Between our 2 stroller gangs we had over 20 kids outside.

Cameron hanging out with me.

Faith and her sweet nanny.

I love this picture. Virginia is so stinking smiley. Adorable.

So there is a short story to the next picture. The kids are always watching each other and mimicking each other at every corner. So Tim decided to throw himself on the ground in a "fit" throwing frenzy and somehow I managed to catch him pre-fit throwing in a very funny pose.

Not so funny pose. He was being a little ridiculous so I decided to take a picture and then handle the situation shortly after. He's still a sweetie. Just a cranky sweetie in the late afternoon. :)

So back to the funny story. Antonia was feeling a little emotionally needy and watched Tim throw himself on the ground and get attention due to his trashing on the pavement. So she calmly decided to lay on the ground about 10 feet away from him. And she patiently waited for us to come and assist her as well.

Calean handing me a rock.

Calean and Julee smiling for me and Breanna and Lucas playing regardless.

I love going on walks with the kids. It's a constant party. Always someone to giggle at, someone to comfort or someone screaming. And somehow the weather makes this already enjoyable experience that much more enjoyable.

I'm thankful for my kids and my life here in China with them.

The Kleenex box is my friend...

2009-09-27T03:20:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovely's.

Normally I would be posting about one of my precious babies but I have been very sick over the past 2 days and I have quarantined myself away from our precious little ones.

(even though they were the ones that gave me the cold germ. Good thing I love them.)

But I have been doing a number on the kleenex box and I'm afraid my nose will never fully recover from the constant grossness. But on a lighter less gruesome note, I will be returning to posting about my babies when I fully recover.

I think I've said this before, but it is cruel and unusual punishment to be living right next to my babies and not be able to give them kisses or hugs.

But they are getting cuter by the hour and I can't wait to share them with you guys once again.

On a personal level, God has been teaching me a lot over the past few days. And more than teaching me, He has been sharing His truths and presence with me in a fresh and new way.

I was thinking about everything yesterday and got tickled about how we try to constantly shove our idea of who God is in a box.

I was "saved" at age 4, baptized shortly after.

(I was terrified to go to the "bad place" and that was the extent of my faith at that point).

I experienced Jesus in a relational way again when I was 15 and truly felt like that was my salvation moment. So much so, I chose to be baptized yet again to make my public declaration.

And here I am at age 22 and I feel like within these past few days I have had a similar experience all over again.

Truths that use to be only head knowledge are leaping off the pages at me and I can't seem to get enough.

I've felt as if I stumbled on the truth all over again and the eyes of my heart have been opened.

If while reading this you are confused, I apologize.

But I have just found myself fully delighted with my Savior all over again.

And I get tickled with the reality that I was all the way over in this "unchurched" country to have this kind of experience yet again.

He is so good to me and if I had the words, they wouldn't even begin to do Him justice.

I share this to thank those of you that have been faithfully praying for me over these past 8 months. I know how many of you have been faithful to pray for me and for that I am forever grateful.

With all the love in my heart I thank you, and now if you would excuse me, I have another appointment with my kleenex box. :)

Jamesy Poo....

2009-09-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

Everyone meet James

James is a cutie with a capital C. He is roughly around 11 months old and he has a pretty severe cleft lip/palate.

He is a cuddly baby and anytime I pick him up now he always pats me on the back gently. When he does that I tell him thank you for his "love pats".

James has been known around the Starfish home as the constant comforter to the other babies and to the nannies. He's a genuinely sweet natured little guy.

I remember when I first got to the home I set out to kiss all of the babies with cleft lips on their faces. I wanted to let them know that even though their little faces were different than mine, that they were still beautiful to me.

And James specifically loves getting kisses. His little face lights up like a Christmas tree.

Health concerns for James: James has struggled with golden staff infections in the past and although he shows no signs of that virus now, it's most likely still in his system.

He's been hospitalized several times for his golden staff outbreaks and we are blessed to have this little guy still here with us. But other than the golden staff, James appears completely healthy.

He is going to be one of the 15 babies that we are planning on taking to Beijing in November for their cleft surgeries. So soon his little face should be repaired. I don't know if I'll be happy or sad on that day. I've fallen in love with his wide open smile and it will take some getting use to seeing his little lip repaired. But I'm also very grateful that he has an opportunity to have this surgery too. Life is full of bittersweet moments.

Ways to pray:

1. Pray for James golden staff infection. Pray that God would heal his body completely from the virus and that he would no longer struggle with it.

2. Please pray for his operation in Nov. Pray that his little lip/palate heal quickly and painlessly.

Answer time...

2009-09-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

Well a few days ago I asked my lovely readers if you guys had any questions for me, and to my surprise I received a few. So this post will be in response to your questions and I hope that you all know if you ever have any questions for me always feel free to e-mail me or contact me on blogger.

Q. What has been my most difficult experience in China thus far?

A. I would honestly say without any hesitation my most difficult struggle has been dealing with death. I thought about what my answer for this question would be for several days and I always came back to death and my grieving process. It's not a fun answer and I always struggle on whether to share about that part of my journey on my blog but it's my honest answer. I never dealt with death very closely while living in the States. I've lost people in my family and I've lost friends. But although death is always an unexpected and sudden reality, I had never dealt with the death of children.

I have a very distinct memory of the first baby I grieved while living in Luoyang. While living in China I have worked with orphanages and foster homes that cater specifically to unhealthy children and unfortunately death is not an uncommon thing. But I had bonded with this specific child and felt a strange connection with her.

And after her death I found myself struggling to breath or just do daily tasks without crying.

I called my Mom on skype and I broke into a million pieces.

All I could get out of my mouth was that no child should ever die alone.

And I sat in front of the computer and wept with my mother on the other side of the computer weeping with me.

We cried over the baby I lost but we never lost sight of the reality that precious baby was in a place of peace and joy with our Jesus.

Like I said before, I'm always very hesitant to share about death on my blog. Children and death should never have to be in same sentence but due to sin being in this world, they are.

And God brought me to a place where I would be loving those babies, but not loving them in and of my own strength but through His endless love. His love is the stream that flows through my hugs and my kisses. I am simply the grateful vessel.

Without Him and His truth I can honestly tell you, I would have been utterly ruined.

He is my hope and He is my rock. And I am thankful for every moment I have with these precious children.

Q. What has been my most rewarding experience thus far?

A. My faith has grown so much while being here. As with most faith building experiences, it hasn't always been pretty or easy but my faith has grown tremendously.

I've grown up in church and I've always been the "church girl" but I've realized that I learn so much more when I get my knees scratched up and my face planted in the ground. The reality has become so clear to me over the past few weeks and I continue to marvel at this thought: Jesus came to me when I was spiritually filthy, a liar, a fake, a thief, a hypocrite and completely unworthy of His touch. He met me in my mess, and He touched my life. And He saved me at age 15. I didn't deserve His gift of salvation but He gave it freely anyways. And even now, I am still completely undeserving of His touch but I have the keys to the thrown.

Being completely undeserving I still can approach His thrown and ask for a fresh touch of Him.

Everyday, I can approach Him and say that I am hungry for Him- and He gives Himself and His presence away freely.

When I sit and think about that I find myself utterly speechless.

So my most rewarding experience has been that I get to live a physical life of worship to my Jesus.

Q. Did I prepare by reading books before moving to China, and if I did what would I suggest?

A. I was completely ignorant to China before moving here and I didn't read any books to learn more about this country. I think researched China on google once before moving here but that was the extent of my researching. (Words of advice, don't be like me) I'm embarrassed that I handled moving to a foreign country so naively and I wish I could say that I was fully relying on Gods call and not worried about being as prepared as I could be. But I think the truth is I was just flat out lazy. I did trust that God placed a call on my life, but I should have been a better steward of His calling.

I would completely suggest reading as many materials as you can on China before moving here but I showed some serious irresponsibility by not choosing to do so before moving here.

My my words of advice, don't be like me. Learn as much as you can.

( I will tell you that I would swear by my - Lonely Planet/China book. If your planning on traveling internationally or moving to a foreign country I would suggest you purchase a Lonely Planet book to help you navigate through that specific country. They are an amazing resource to have with you and they cater to the tourist in all of us)

Q. What would I do differently through this whole experience?

A. I would have packed a LOT less when I moved here. I brought 3 huge suitcases full of stuff and it was way to much. I've learned now how to live with a lot less and looking back I kind of picture myself appearing as ridiculous as Paris Hilton would arriving to China. The only thing I was missing is a little dog that I carried around in my purse.

But other than that I don't know if I would change anything. I wish I would have sought out Godly friends advice before moving here, just to help get a better perspective of what to expect. But you know honestly, I don't have a "big" thing that I would do differently. I've learned from my misjudgments and my mistakes. And they've all been part of the whole experience.

Q. What are my plans for when I return home?

A. Truthful answer, I have no idea. I've considered everything from:

a. finding a rich Christian man that would be open to adoption- and marrying him. :)

b. going to school (finally) and getting a masters in social work and working in the foster care system as a social worker

c. working in any position available at an adoption agency to learn more about that side of orphan care

d. going to seminary or a spirituality school of some sort

And those are just a few of the options that have been flooding my mind when I think about returning to home.

I have no car, no phone, no job, no degree and no man when I return back to the big Oklahoma so I have a clean slate to build on.

I know God has a plan for me when I go home and I hope to understand it soon. I've been thinking a lot lately about this "finding a balance between waiting on God as if everything depended on Him while working as if everything depended on me."

So I will accept any and all prayers in this area of my life. And I'm always open to Godly counsel or input.

I know I want to stay heavily involved with orphan care when I move back to the States and I'm praying God opens a door for me in that line of ministry.

Also if you know any rich, single, young men that love Jesus or if you have an extra $50,000 laying around that could help put me through school, feel free to contact me. :)

(I hope you guys know I'm joking about the "rich" part. I'm content with the reality that I will be living a life of ministry for the remainder of my life so I'm content with having a ministry salary. I'm just praying that ministry salary is enough to help our family adopt of few kiddos.)

Q. And the last question, What made me want to move to China to work with orphans?

Funny story, when people would ask me what I wanted to do after I graduated high school I always told them I wanted to travel. But I also always told them that I had NO desire to travel in China. Now I live in China.

Our God has a sense of humor.

But orphan care has always been something I believe that God laid on my heart. When I was 9 I can remember playing "orphanage mommy" with my "orphaned teddy bears". All through out junior high, high school and even after I graduated I was constantly looking for a way to get involved with orphan care. I believe that God was faithful to provide the passion for orphan care in my heart and to provide an avenue to serve Him in this arena.

God was faithful to open certain doors and close other doors to allow me to be sitting in China writing this blog post right now.

I believe that God plants desires in our hearts to serve other people and He is faithful to give us an opportunity to do just that. But it might now happen as quickly as we had planned or in the way that we would have pictured it but He is faithful.

I now live in China and I work with orphans almost 10 years after I started my search on how to get involved with orphan care.

He gives us dreams and then gives us the opportunity to make our dreams bring Him glory.

But He has a sense of humor along the way. :)

A day in the Life...

2009-09-22T03:02:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be fun to record an average day here at the foster home, so I carried my camera around with me as we went through our daily organized chaos.

The babies usually wake up around 7 or 8 so the madness begins early. But the mornings have become my favorite time of the day because the babies are usually always in great moods.

Here Karl, Libby and James we being amusing crawling all over the place.

Here Karl is being so stinking cute! He's started sticking his little tongue out the cleft in his lip and it's adorable.

The nannie's thought it would be fun to put Julee's glasses on some of the kids.

Do you remember when I said Thomas was the "little old man"? Now he looks legit. So cute.

After the morning "cuteness" most of the babies get a little sleepy before lunch time and have a tendency to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. Including the floors, couches, or their high chairs. But all of the kids are are growing up so quickly and they are hitting different fun stages, but this week the kids have all decided they are going to try and mimic us. So Matilda was patting Julee's leg since she was patting Karl's back.

Like I said, the babies are growing up. We have 2 walking, at least 4 on the verge of walking, 5 crawling and rest of them getting very close to becoming mobile. So Julee and I have become the human jungle gyms... and we couldn't be happier about it.

(I tried making this one blog post but it was to big with to many images so I had to split it up. So see the post below for more.)

A day in the life... continued...

2009-09-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

Karl being cute again. If you can't tell, I kind of have a crush on him.

The babies go on a walk every morning and afternoon since the weather is so wonderful outside. The babies love it, and 75% of the time they fall asleep before making it home. Stella and James were snuggling while Brian was wide awake screaming and wiggling.

Julia enjoying her bottle in style. And with babies comes tons and tons of milk. And tons and tons of bottles. So with this many babies all being on the same time schedule space is limited and arms are even more limited when it comes to feeding time so most babies grab a spot where ever they can stretch out. Bottle time is a beautiful time of the day as well. But recently the babies have decided its a fun idea to spill their bottles all over the ground and then draw pictures in the milk on the floor. It's a messy but amusing. (as are most things here)

One of the many bottle positions the babies enjoy while drinking their milk. Brian has trademarked this pose.

Soon after the bottle time comes "sleepy" time. Sadie passed out in the middle of the floor, being cute.

Nick was stuck between bottle time and sleeping time. So he chose to multi task.

Ok I know I have a problem. Another picture of Karl. His sweet Nanny was giving him an after noon snack.

Matilda after afternoon snack time. She's wearing half of her snack on her onsie still.

Clara and Tim. Tim is one of the kids on the edge of walking but in the mean time he occupies his time with pulling up on everything.

Carmen having fun in the bouncy chair. She has been extra smiley over the past few days.

Jamesy Poo being cute in his cute little shoes. His smile will melt anyone and everyones heart.

Bath time = chaos. 28 babies, 3 baby bath tubs, and 1 bucket. Yes you read that right, a bucket. Carmen had just gotten her bath and was feeling clean and fresh.

Noa loving her bath time.

And unfortunately along with being an average day of being at Starfish is sick babies. Poor little guys. River and Cameron were running fevers so they were stripped down to their diapers to be cooled down. But I couldn't resist taking pictures of their cute little bellies.

Cameron being all "studly" showing off his cute fat belly.

And this is the end to our average day.

I hope you enjoyed reading and seeing the pictures. I love these babies so I wanted to show them off.

*And about the Q and A blog post I will answer your questions in the next blog post. I didn't want you guys to think I'm overlooking it. *

Q and A time...

2009-09-19T04:03:00.000-07:00

I have been living out of the country for 7 months now. I have been doing my best to keep this blog updated and current with what I'm experiencing daily. And in these 7 months I've moved to a completely different city. Had my "plans" for my life in China turned upside down and relocated only to find myself even more blessed.

I have several followers that I assume read my blog because they've subscribed to it but I wanted to open the floor to anyone passing through or my steady readers. I know it's hard sometimes to keep track of peoples lives in the blogging world unless you read months and months worth of entries and I don't think anyone truly has the time to do that.

So I wanted to open up the floor, if you have questions about me personally, where I live, Starfish Foster Home or if blonde is my natural hair color, now is your time! If you have questions about the babies I work with or how we run certain aspects of this foster home please feel free to ask. I would love to hear from my readers and have an opportunity to answer any of your questions. So the floor is open. No question is a stupid question. Believe me.

And I don't even know if you have any questions, but if you do- take the floor and ask away!

Clara...

2009-09-17T07:23:00.001-07:00

Well thank you to everyone that has been praying for our babies about their surgeries.

Unfortunately none of our babies were operated on. All of them caught a cold/sinus infection that's been going around the Starfish home for a few days now. And since they were sick, the doctors didn't feel comfortable to operate on any of them. This is a common problem with arranging surgeries for our children, in a home of 28 babies sickness is almost always affecting our home. If they have runny noses or coughs, they won't be operated on. So thank you for your prayers regardless.

So I thought I would pick back up on writing about one of my precious babies:

Everyone meet Clara....

Clara is 13 months old and she is adorable. 2 random facts about Clara

1. She is the most flexible child/baby I have ever met. Seriously, she is always seen laying on the floor with her feet above her head.

2. She has one of the best giggles you will ever hear. It's more than a giggle, it's a deep belly laugh that makes you want to tickle her all day so you can hear it all day long.

Julee and I always joke around about our little Clara having a Hispanic father somewhere in China. She has the thickest, dark brown hair and her hair is the envy of every little baby girl in this foster home. Clara has already had her cleft repair surgery this past June and her lip has healed up beautifully with minimal scarring.

Clara plays hard but when this baby crashes for a nap, she crashes hard. And yes that's drool on my shirt. I love her anyways.

It's so funny to learn all of these babies individual personalities. Clara is definitely an independent thinker and she marches to the beat of her own drum.

She's also often seen throwing towels over her own head playing a game of peek-a-boo by herself.

She a doll and she keeps us constantly laughing.

As for ways to pray: there is a really bad cold/sinus infection going around the home and it has a lot of the babies very sick. Please pray for the Starfish foster home as a whole. That we would have healthy babies and healthy nannies.

Walking with my man...

2009-09-14T04:47:00.000-07:00

After several rainy days here in Xi'an the skies decided to show their beautiful blue faces and it was b-e-a-utiful.

Don't get me wrong I love rainy days, they are always soothing to this melancholy soul but it's always a treat to see blue skies in China.

And while I was in the baby apartment I was holding Cameron by the window and he was also fascinated by the beautiful weather.

So I decided we needed to talk a walk together.

Can you believe how big he is now. It's often easy to see these children every day and forget the huge changes they have made from when they first arrive here at Starfish. But this young man is constant reminder of how miracles do happen here.

So with my main man strapped to my chest, we took a stroll through the apartment park area. Did I mention is was beautiful outside? And we have a great park area right outside our apartment. Cameron was taking it all in and talking to people along the way. Can you believe how chubby he is getting?

I couldn't help but have a reflecting time as Cameron and I took our long walk.

5 months later and I'm carrying the same little boy that I thought wasn't going to live through the week. Through God's provision and grace this child was saved.

Not only was he saved but now he is chubby!

This little boy at 4 months couldn't bend any of his limbs due to malnourishment. He can now kick, roll around on his belly, and he can even hold his own head up.

The little boy that didn't respond to sounds or touch is now giggling anytime you touch any where near his ticklish belly. He makes eye contact with anyone talking in his direction and he is constantly cooing and talking to anyone that will listen.

(of course it's all in his own cute little language)

This little boy melts my heart and makes me weak at the knees.

So much so, that I even let him hold my hand as we walked through the park.

Palette vs Palate...

2009-09-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

So first and foremost, I have a very embarrassing/hysterically funny thing to admit to you, my readers.

As you know I work with babies with cleft lips/palettes. But due to a wonderful friend informing me, I've learned some new information.

There are 2 different ways to spell palette and palate.

The word"palette" that I've been using to describe the medical issue with my babies is actually describing a giant pile of wood. Unlike the palate which is the right usage of the medical condition that my babies actually posses.

And since my babies don't have a palette of wood in the roofs of their mouths I will make sure to start spelling appropriately.

*insert laughter here, it's ok to laugh, I already have enjoyed laughter about this mistake*

So I apologize to anyone and everyone out there that is blessed with the burden of being a great at spelling and thank you for still choosing to love me. And thank you Polly for pointing it out to me in a loving matter. :)

If I couldn't laugh at myself we would be in trouble. But lucky for you I keep myself laughing daily.

Ok now onto more important news. Blogger hates me. Actually China might.

Several websites are blocked from my viewing or using while using the internet here in China and unfortunately I have been unsuccessful to upload any pictures of my precious babies on Blogger for days now. And I don't want to feature one of my precious babies without showing you their beautiful little faces and chubby limbs. So as soon as I am able, the babies stories will return along with their chubby little faces. But until then I will give you a few updates on the latest news here: Clara, Joseph and Hosea will all be receiving cleft *PALATE* surgeries in 2 days.

As some of you might know, Starfish Foster Home houses 50 babies that all are in need of medical care at one point or another. And the majority of our babies require a surgery to better their lives and chance at a brighter future. But the government does not help us financially at all with providing these children surgeries. So through tiring internet searches and extensive networks of friends the director of Starfish searches for medical missions teams that travel through China that would be willing to operate on our precious babies.

It is hard work to orchestrate surgeries for these children but they are worth the hard work.

So we heard that there was a medical missions team from Canada in a town 45 minutes away from here on Thursday night and by Friday at 12pm we were loaded up in the taxis with 5 babies.

We took Brian, Antonia, Clara, Hosea and Joseph all to have their cleft palates examined for operation. (since they have already had their cleft lip operations all they need is for their palates to be operated on now)

Unfortunately Brian and Antonia are both struggling with chest colds so they will not be able to get their operations this time. :(

But Clara, Hosea and Joseph will be receiving their operations on Tuesday.

So please be praying for them. Please pray for their doctors, their surgeries, and their speedy recoveries.

All 3 of the babies will have to wear arm braces for 2 weeks after their operations to help keep their hands out of their healing mouths so please pray for PATIENCE for the babies.

And keep in mind that all 3 of these babies are under the age of 16 months, so 3 babies in arm braces for 2 weeks could be a long 2 weeks.

We will take all the prayers that we can get. And we are thankful for every single one of them.

I will post pictures of the whole ordeal after Tuesday, even though you won't be able to see before and after pictures since it's inside their mouths. I will still post pictures of their cute little faces.

Thank you for your prayers!

Karl...

2009-09-10T05:29:00.001-07:00

Everyone meet Karl...

He is around 10 months (I believe) and he is a cutie.

Karl has a cleft lip and cleft palette. When he first arrived to Starfish he had a lot of problems with drinking his bottle due to his cleft palette but as he has gotten older his eating has improved tremendously.

Karl is a huge flirt. He's a sweet natured baby because he will smile at almost anyone. Which means when volunteers come into the home and make the most outrageous noises or gestures to try and make the children smile, Karl is always there to give a sweet sympathy smile to anyone that needs reassurance.

Karl has just recently gotten 3 teeth on his top jaw and he has been drooling like a mad man as we assume that he is still teething! But Karl also has issues with his ears. While living at Starfish I have learned a lot of things concerning complications with cleft lips and cleft palettes but sometimes if the child's cleft palette is very severe they are born without ear drums or due to their deformation of their mouth cavity their ear drums are out of position in their little bodies. If you ask me why, I couldn't tell you but I know that most of our severe cleft palette babies have a lot of issues with their ears. When they feed, due to the whole in the roof of their mouths their milk often gets built up in their ear cavities which cause a very stinky and irritating ear wax for these children. You are a brave soul if you go around smelling babies ears around Starfish because sometimes the smell is enough to turn your stomach upside down. But when Karl receives his cleft surgeries (which should be in a matter of weeks) hopefully his ears will clear up once again.

But Karl also has a backwards comb over. Which is the cutest thing ever. He has a great head of hair- which is a commodity around Starfish but along with all of his hair he has patches of really long hair on the top of his head. So if he was balding, he has the perfect setup to where he could just have the long hair create a very tasteful comb over (if there is such a thing) but instead he has a head full of hair and then hair that is significantly longer on the top as well.

But we love him none the less. Crazy hair and all.

Ways to pray:

1.Please pray for Karl's cleft lip/palette surgeries that are coming up within the next few weeks. Please pray for a smooth operation and a quick recovery.

2. Please pray for Karl while he is teething. As with any child the teething process is a painful and sometime long process. Karl is one of 28 babies living in this apartment and they all range from 3 months old to 19 months old. So everyone is constantly teething. Mom's can you imagine 28 babies all teething at one time? I t can get a little crazy around here. But especially with cleft babies the teething process can be even more brutal due to the deformation of their little mouths. So please pray that Karl's teeth would come in quickly and painlessly.

Ms Matilda...

2009-09-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

Matilda stole our hearts from the beginning. She is now 14 months old but she was brought home from the orphanage on the same day that I brought Cameron home. She was brought home to Starfish at 8 months old and she was severely malnourished. But other than that Matilda appeared to be in good health. And she quickly gained healthy weight.

She will keep you laughing and smiling all day long. She is one of the funniest and happiest babies you will ever encounter. And when she smiles her cute fat cheeks swallow up her eyes so all you see are her two teeth on the bottom of her mouth and her face all squeezed up tight smiling. She will most definitely melt your heart.

She loves Julee and I. And now recognizes us by our names even if we are not in the room. Which is always a fun thing!

After living at Starfish for 4-5 months Matilda got a nose bleed one day. Her nannies couldn't get the bleeding to stop for hours. After several more hours passing they rushed her to the hospital and were given very scary news. It turned out Matilda had a blood condition and the Doctors didn't expect her to live out the night. Everyone here was heartbroken.

But by a miracle little Matilda survived the night and the bleeding stopped. Although she still might be living with the blood condition, she has not shown any signs since her first trip to the hospital. And I can assure you that we are all so very thankful for this sweet little girls health.

Julee and I have been with her almost every single day for the past 4 months whether teaching her new words or teaching her bad habits. (like how to make messy noises with her tongue)

But she is now saying, Mama, No and the rest is gibberish to us but I know it makes sense to her. She is crawling everywhere but has yet to walk. She takes steps with help but she hasn't worked up the courage to take steps on her own.

I love this picture because her little bed is right by the door so anytime we pass by she starts to giggle. Which is also a new development of hers. My favorite part about her giggling is that her eyes disappear when she giggles as well. This little girl truly has stolen my heart.

Ways to pray:

1.Please pray for her blood condition. Please pray that God would heal her little body and that her blood would flow correctly through her little body.

2. Please pray for her little spirit. She is so precious and so sensitive. Please pray that God protects her little spirit from being broken. She finds joy in almost everything and her joy spreads to all of us around her.

Mr Cheeks aka Anthony..

2009-09-05T02:42:00.000-07:00

*Before I even begin to talk about Anthony I need to let you know something very important. I've already claimed him as the future husband to my beautiful niece Millie Opal so don't get any ideas once you fall in love with him. He's claimed. :) *

Anthony was brought to Starfish when he was 2 weeks old. He is now 3 months old. He had a severe case of thrush when we first received him from the orphanage and was not taking in any fluids and was very dehydrated. He is missing his little hand. It looks as if his hand never formed while he was in his mothers womb so we call his cute arm his "nub". He spent the first week of his stay here at Starfish in the hospital because of his thrush in his mouth and we were afraid he wasn't going to make it but he's our little miracle baby.

If you haven't caught on to why we call Anthony "cheeks" yet I'm afraid I can't spell it out any easier than in this picture. He wasn't very excited I had the camera out to take this picture but I'm so glad I caught this picture. He's precious. Anthony was named by a British volunteer and she named him "Anthony" but in the UK they pronounce his name "Antony" (without the H) so that made for fun conversations while we "Americans" called him Anthony but the British volunteers called him Antony.

Not everyone can be as cool as Anthony with his cute big cheeks but you can't blame me for trying. Anthony now is eating everything in sight! His nannies joke that he eats every hour as much as all of the other children eat all day. He now has 4 chins people, 4! We are going to have to change his name into "chins" instead of "cheeks". Anthony is precious and a genuinely amazing baby.

To think that his family might have given him up because of his little arm or "nub" as we like to call it. And it's one of the many things that makes our little Anthony even more precious to us. I've learned a lot of things while living here but I've learned so many spiritual lessons through these babies. I love these babies so much, but I love them even more for the things that might have caused them to be abandoned in the first place. Whether it is a facial deformity or an illness, these issues just make the child more loveable in my eyes.

I find myself thanking God for their little things that make them "special" or "unique". I find myself looking at what someone might look at with horror or disgust (in this country) and find it a desirable uniqueness. And a beautiful part of what makes these children who they are. They are defined by their illnesses or deformities but they are a part of what makes them uniquely beautiful.

And in those daily moments I think about what I must look like through our Fathers eyes. I think about what spiritual facial deformities I might have acquired along the way in my life, or what "ugliness" that I carry with me due to my own bad decisions or mistakes. And how when other people would look at me and say "She's a hopeless cause, or she's not worth saving, or she's just not beautiful". And our Jesus looks at us and says we are beautiful because we were made in HIS image. And He loves us even more with our scratches or deformities because they help tell a story of what led us to Him.

So thank you Jesus for every child here. Thank you for the things that make them different. Thank you for loving every one of us no matter who may have found us "undesirable" in our pasts.

Aaron...

2009-09-04T04:21:00.000-07:00

Aaron is almost 4 months old. When he was brought here to Starfish he was less than a month old. He has a cleft lip and a cleft palette. He was also very malnourished upon his arrival here. (you will learn that 99% of our children are malnourished when we first recieve them)

Aaron had beatiful thick hair when we first got home with giant holes buzzed out of it. But he was still a cutie. Aaron has a lot of issues while feeding because of his cleft palette/lip and it is a constant struggle to feed him. But thankfully he now lives here with wonderful women that feed him with great love and patience.

Along with most of our cleft palette babies Aaron now wears a mold on the roof of his mouth that helps his cleft palette close over time instead of get more severe. He hates it! But it will help his little mouth heal itself a little before we can give him the proper surgeries that he needs.

As you may have seen in his video- He's learned how to smile within the past few weeks! (ignore how crazy I sound in the video, but I had to let you guys see his little smile) And he's so stinking cute when he does! He use to only smile in his sleep and it drove us crazy because we wanted to see him smile at us. But now he smiles!

Ways to pray:

1. Aaron has had a pretty severe chest cough and congestion over the past few days. Please pray that his chest clears and his breathing improves. And that his little body will heal itself quickly.

2. Aaron will be getting surgeries to help repair his cleft lip and palette in a few weeks so please pray that his little mouth heals quickly and that God would guide the surgeons hands to do the best job that they are capable of.

But really people, isn't he adorable? He's stolen my heart because he always smiles at his auntie Chrissy and I love him even more when he does. It's a selfish thing to enjoy but I would love him even if he didn't smile at me too.

Mr Thomas...

2009-09-03T06:38:00.001-07:00

As promised: Everyone Meet Mr Thomas

Thomas is almost 14 months old. He's lived at Starfish since he was 1 month old. He was brought to live at Starfish because he was severely malnourished. But Thomas also has a very severe heart condition. His little heart has more than one complication and sadly it looks like we still understand how severe his cardiac condition truly is. He has already had 1 heart surgery but has several more in his future. Mr Thomas (we like to call him Mr Thomas because he acts like a cute little old man) anyways Thomas also has an exposed bladder. Which literally means when he was in the womb his bladder formed outside of his little belly instead of being inside his skin protected from outside elements. His exposed bladder is constantly leaking urine and causes him to have severe digestive issues. So when little Mr Thomas has to go #2, most of the time he's in pain and has difficulty passing his stools.

This is Thomas on his 1st birthday! We had the luxury of being here to celebrate along side him for this very big birthday! Obviously he wasn't to excited about his party hat but he looked so cute in it, we had to take a picture anyways. But he did get his first tooth on his first birthday! So he had a little tooth to help him chew his birthday cake. Thomas has the biggest eyes I've ever seen on an asian baby and when he wants to melt hearts, you stand no chance against his puppy eyes. He giggles at most anything and loves holding a towel when he's lying down to take a nap. And despite ALL of the hardships and health problems this little boy has faced in his short life, he is a happy baby and a real delight to be around.

Ways to pray:

1. Thomas went into the hospital a few weeks ago for a minor illness and came back to Starfish with a very nasty diaper rash. I helped change him yesterday and literally had to hold back the tears while he cried out in pain as we had to wipe him. With his bladder being exposed as well there were open sores all over his diaper area, a rash could become a very serious issue to his health so please pray that God would heal his diaper rash and protect his exposed bladder from forming any kind of infection.

2. Please pray for Thomas' heart condition. We are constantly reminded of what a little miracle it is that Thomas is still alive and giggling with us every day. He is a true miracle but please pray that God would heal his heart. Please pray that God would send the correct surgeons to China to preform the needed heart surgeries for this little boy. And that Thomas would grow up to be able to run, jump and fall every once in a while without any worries of his heart condition.

6 months and a new idea...

2009-09-02T01:21:00.000-07:00

Sept 6th, 2009 will mark my 6th month of living in China.

Can you believe it? It seems like it's been 6 years at certain times and then at other times 6 weeks.

But I am grateful for every moment.

Some things truly can change a person and these past 6 months have changed my life completely.

Although I had originally planned to be living in China for a year, it seems I will be moving back to the States in roughly 2 months. Before moving to China I had a desired amount of money to raise to be able to remain in China for 1 year. But I never reached that desired amount.

*Now don't get worried, I'm not asking for more money to stay, so you can continue reading. :) *

Although I never raised as much money as I had originally intended I prayed that God would allow me to stay as long as He desired me to. So with that being said it looks like I will be returning home to Oklahoma before Thanksgiving 09".

As you can imagine I have a million different emotions running through me but the overall emotion is peace.

Nothing comes as a surprise to my main man Jesus. So I'm slowly learning to be less impressed by hick-ups along the road and rejoicing for detours.

I've had an amazing time in this country with these children and I am going to do my best to treasure every last moment I have with the babies over the next 2 months.

With all of that being said, I often find myself thinking of ways to get you guys involved with my life here in China. I know my blog has been everything but reader friendly on most days but thank you for continually reading it anyways. I know you love me, and the feelings are mutual.

But about my IDEA: I'm am going to do my best to write about 1 child here at Starfish everyday for the remainder of my 2 months with them. My reasons:

1. So you can meet the beautiful babies that I get to spend every day with.

2. I want you to meet "orphans". A lot of times I feel like people have misconceptions of what orphan care looks like, or what orphans look like. I want you to meet the wonderful little babies I get to spend my days with, and I want you guys to have the oppurtunity to learn their names and their stories.

3. Over 85% of the babies that I work with have some sort of medical condition or physical condition. Which means these babies are sometimes in and out of hospitals or doctor visits. So I would love for you guys to have specific ways to pray for each child and their specific medical conditions.

4. All of these babies are available to be sponsored through the Starfish Sponsorship Program and I would love for you guys to have an opportunity to be able to prayerfully consider sponsoring a sweet little child.

5. Last a final reason- Because our babies are so stinking CUTE I want you to meet them.

So stay tuned to meet my beautiful babies, I will begin this new "meet my babies campaign" as of tomorrow.

My best 22nd birthday ever...

2009-08-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

Well August 30th was my 22nd birthday and this was the first year I've been away from my family on my birthday. But I was blessed enough to be spending my birthday with the cutest kids in all of China. We had a big day planned for my kiddo's and I was so excited to be able to "throw" a party for the babies on my special day. So the day started with blowing up tons of balloons.

-Completely random fact: Chinese balloons taste AWFUL. We were blowing them up and I promise I could feel the toxins filling my lungs.

And one of the things I wanted to do on my birthday was focus on the babies. So we decided we would buy a few painting canvas' and paints in fun colors and have the kids paint the canvas' with their little feet or hands. And then we would hang the painting in the baby apartment. And surprisingly enough the kids actually didn't mind their little feet being painted! Which was wonderful news because the last thing I wanted to do was torture them with this project. But God was gracious and we only had a few screamers. haha

My little man, Cameron was excited to have his little feet painted blue.

He looks so handsome in the color blue, don't you think?

We have 3 other volunteers staying at Starfish right now with Julee and I so we had a lot of help getting this project completed. They were a wonderful help and everyone was really excited to be doing a fun art project with the babies!

I think it took us around 2.5 hours to get all 25+ babies feet prints on our 4 canvas', but we finally finished. And I think we were all thrilled with the outcomes of the paintings.

The final product!

So after the big painting project we got ready for the ball pit madness.

Julee and I went out and bought a kiddy swimming pool and a ton of little balls like you would find in a play place in the states.

All of the babies in the Cleft Home are starting to walk/crawl/scoot/run through the house and get into all kinds of trouble so we knew that they would be thrilled to be able to play in the ball pit! And to our delight we were right, the babies were so funny playing in the kiddy pool. Within a matter of 5 minutes every ball in the pool had at least 2 kids drool on it but that's just how we roll at Starfish. We are a family of drooling/fun loving babies!

Tim- (in the bottom right corner) decided he wanted to have an afternoon snack as well as play in the ball pit. So that's exactly what he did, he climbed into the ball pit and drank his bottle! Their little personalities keep us constantly laughing and entertained!

Little Mr Thomas (we always call him our little old man) but he was so cute, because he sat quietly outside the craziness of the ball pit and collected all of the loose balls that would make their way on to the floor. He made his auntie Chrissy proud because he was practicing his "frugal" little old man ways already.

The fun chaos surrounding the kiddy pool

I couldn't resist trying to have fun in the kiddy pool with the babies but unfortunately for me, and fortunately for them- I'm to big to play in the kiddy pool. So I'm afraid I will only be able to enjoy it from the outside.

So needless to say I had an amazing birthday. I missed my family but I couldn't have been more blessed by my babies. I was so excited to be focusing on the babies for my birthday instead of myself. They make my daily life a huge blessing and I was so thrilled to be able to make them smile and giggle. The entire day I kept thinking "why have I not done this before?" It was truly the biggest blessing to be able to focus on their little hearts on my special day.

I love each and everyone of them so much. They make my heart leap in my chest. Their little personalities constantly remind me that every single child is a blessing and a gift from our Father. They bless me daily while I have the privilege and blessing of caring for them in this time of my life and theirs.

I truly didn't loose any of them...

2009-08-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, I had a wonderful time in the states and thank you so much for you prayers. The time I spent with my family was absolutely wonderful and I loved every second of being in the US again. But I also missed my babies in China and that made it a lot easier to leave my family and make the journey yet again back to China. But I wanted to share some new things going on in my life here in China.

At Starfish Foster Home we receive orphans through a partnership with surrounding government orphanages. Mostly the Starfish home cares for babies with cleft liip, cleft palette, cardiac complications or spina obifida. But almost 2 months ago we got 6 new babies from a local orphanage. All between the ages of 2 weeks old and 7 weeks old, there were 4 boys and 2 little girls. Myself along with several other volunteers became responsible for these precious children. Almost all of the infants were severely malnourished and none of them weighed more than 5 lbs. Their names were Moses, Aaron, Anthony, Issac, Helena and Megan. I’ve learned several things while being in China but one thing I never expected to learn was how to literally nurse children back to health from being severely malnourished. It is very intense work regulating their feeding schedules and monitoring their intake of milk. But equally important to caring for these precious little babies physical needs we were blessed with the opportunity to shower these children with love and comfort. So we began the 12 hour work days in the back bedroom of the foster home constantly caring for these children as if they were our own flesh and blood. We were responsible for caring for these children for 5 weeks. So day after day I woke up and cared for these babies to the best of my ability. And I showered them with as many kisses and cuddles as I could. Needless to say the bonds that we created with these children were very strong and we felt like these babies were depending on us. During those 5 weeks with my babies we were constantly having to send babies back and forth to the hospital for different reasons and every time I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and that I had failed them. But God was constantly there ministering to my heart and allowing me to see that I was only a vessel and no one could save these children besides Him. All I could do was love them while I had them and rejoice with them if our Father decided to take them home to be with their true forever Father.

And out of those 6 babies we cared for we had to say goodbye to 3. After 5 weeks the remaining babies were placed in the care of other nannies care because their health was showing steady improvement. And I still have found my eyes tearing at the thought of the 3 babies we lost. And sometimes the tears come and all I can do is praise God that they are no longer suffering. But one little baby boy was very hard for me to loose because he had been making great improvements and was assumed to be healthy. His name was Moses. And suddenly one day he left us all on this earth to be with the one that loves him more than I could ever imagine of loving someone. And he passed away while I was in the States, and I broke. And the Lover of my soul was faithful to minister to me in my brokenness. I was mourning the loss of my sweet babies not being on this earth with me anymore and God gave me this picture in my mind as if I had turned on the TV and I was watching a movie. “I was walking through heavens streets singing praises to my Father in perfect happiness when all of a sudden I see my precious Moses walking up to me. Healthy and smiling Moses just walked up to me and we were both spending all of eternity singing praises to the Creator.” Oh Jesus, how I want to sing your praises for all of eternity with my precious babies at my side.

But out of the 6 babies we had, 3 are still living and are healthy today. (Thank you Jesus) And I get to still give them kisses and hugs daily. And you wouldn’t believe how fat those 3 are! Oh my word, they are doing so well and they are growing up so fast. They constantly make us giggle and laugh at how chubby they’ve gotten and at how cute they are.

So in the end we lost 3 of our babies and we still have 3 of our babies. But I am so grateful that I haven’t really lost any of them. The 3 that are in heaven I will spend eternity with and the 3 that are still here on earth I get to spend everyday with showering them with love and praying that ultimately their souls will be reunited with me in heaven. Thank you Jesus for loving us like you do. When we can’t understand Your will, You are faithful to give us faith. And I am so thankful for the faith that you’ve allowed me to have. Thank you for the time that you allowed me to be in China, and with these precious children. Your goodness brings me to tears of worship.

Ms Millie Opal Jones

2009-08-04T12:02:00.000-07:00

Ms Millie Opal Jones is here!

She was born on August 1, 2009 at 10:03am only 2 hours before I got off of my plane.

She has all 10 fingers and all 10 toes.

She is healthy.

So we couldn't be more thankful.

I will upload more pictures later and update you guys on my trip later too.

As for right now I'm thrilled to be back in the States with my Family.

Through the cracks, Your love flows...

2009-07-31T00:32:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about broken hearts a lot lately.

No worries, this shouldn't be a sappy post but just a few things that I've been thinking about lately.

I heard a family member speak about a death in their family almost a year ago at a conference. It was a tragic loss of a child in their family and it was a very heartbreaking accident.

But she was talking about how so many people were trying to help minister to their family, through books, prayer and encouraging words but she knew none of that would ever repair their broken hearts over their loss.

And she said something that has been in the back of my brain and heart for a year now.

She was referring to the analogy of God pouring His love into our lives and then our hearts having an overflow of love onto the people around us.

And she was talking about how her heart was broken and shattered into a million pieces because of the tragedy that had taken place.

And although she had allowed God to set the pieces back together, her heart would never be in the same condition ever again.

And how she now understood a very painful truth.

God's love pours more freely onto the people around us through our cracks in our broken hearts.

I believe that God will piece our hearts back together but sometimes the cracks need to be open to keep the grace fresh on our minds and to allow the love to spill over.

So here's to allowing our broken patched up hearts spill over the love of our Father to those around us.

And treasure your bruises and your patched up hearts.

Because they are a constant reminder to how great our Father is.

Thank you Jesus for the cranks in my heart, for your children and for your orphans.

And now to totally switch gears, I'm leaving for Seattle in less than 6 hours!

My family bought me tickets to fly back to the States for 2 weeks.

My little sister is having a baby girl and I get to fly back to visit my family and to meet my new little niece, Ms Millie Opal.

So I may be out of the blogging world for a few weeks but I'll do my best to post some pictures once I get back to the states.

I CANNOT wait to be back with my crazy family and to add another crazy woman to the family.

In the Adams Family you can never have to many woman.

And thank you so much readers for being so supportive and encouraging to me over the past 5 months! You guys are such a blessing to my life and I don't think you will ever understand how much God has used you in my life through your prayers and encouraging words!

I genuinely and honestly, love every single one of you!

If I could trade you places, I would...

2009-07-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

Since living in China, God has been changing my views on a lot of my original idea's or view points concerning adoptions/orphan care.

God had already completely changed my view point on birth mothers before I had left Tulsa.

But God has continued to change my heart towards birth mothers in China.

Please know that this post is going to be me being very transparent about my past opinions, please read this blog all the way through or don't read it at all.

The reality that I've learned that is most of the International orphans still have living relatives. Some even have mothers and fathers but they are living in orphanages, with the title of being an "orphan". I use to be very judgmental towards birth mothers.

I use to see the birth mothers as the problem. I couldn't wrap my small mind around the concept of how deserting your child could have any positives for you or your child. And I honestly didn't ever even try to see things through the birth mothers eyes.

Before saying anything else, please allow me to apologize for my ignorance.

Birth mothers, I am so sorry that I was so quick to judge you. I am so sorry that I never took the time to see things through your eyes, and that instead I chose to judge you.

I was wrong, and I beg for your forgiveness.

My opinions were the opposite of love towards you, and I am so very sorry.

My opinions about birth mothers were mostly naive, judgmental, ignorant and hypocritical.

All I knew was what I had seen, I had seen hundreds and hundreds of children abandoned and left to fend for themselves and I took up offenses for those children against women that I never met. And that was wrong of me.

But I met a woman in Tulsa that changed my views on birth mothers forever.

She was a birth mother. Not very much older than me. She was the person that God brought to me to change my views forever.

She had given her child up for adoption a few years before I met her.

And all of a sudden the naive mindsets that I had about birth mothers were being smashed to bits by a birth mothers great love for her child that she chose to love above herself and her own desires.

She had given up her child because of a love that I would have never imagined without her help.

She chose to give her child up for adoption because she wanted her child to have a complete and loving family. Her love for her child left my jaw on the floor.

And now this birth mother is one of my dearest friends. And I am so grateful for God placing her in my path.

My friends and I call that a "God slap", you know when you think you have it all figured until God comes and slaps you with the reality that you never actually sought out His voice in that area or that you assumed that God would have the same opinions about a situation that you did.

So I had a huge "God slap" moment.

All of a sudden these woman that I was so passionately against, God had dropped them into my heart and He wanted me to love them. Not only did He want me to love them but He gave me a HEART for them. And He wanted my heart to break for them like His does.

I work in a place now where I see these things daily,

I've seen a child take their first steps

I've seen a child say their first words

I've seen a child sit up by themselves for the first time

I've seen a child get their first teeth

I've celebrated a child's first birthday

I've seen a child giggle for the first time

I've seen a child smile for the first time

And every time I see these precious children's "firsts" my eyes fill up with tears.

Because their mothers were not here to see them and yet a complete stranger was.

And my heart breaks for these children's mothers.

If I could trade them places, I would in a heart beat.

Obviously every birth mother has a different story but I think that most of them have a bottom line. Internationally or domestically.

That they loved their children, and that they loved their children so much that they chose to give their child up, so that their child could have an opportunity at a better future.

Or have an opportunity to have a future at all.

No woman dreams as a little girl of giving up her children, but that is the reality that these woman have found themselves in.

And God's heart breaks for them and mine now does as well.

I came to work with orphans in China and I feel like I'm leaving with an equally burdened heart for these orphans mothers.

Who would have thought?

In Mourning or Rejoicing, You are Worthy...

2009-06-29T23:33:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks have been the greatest and the hardest since I've been in China.

We moved to our new home in Xi'an working with the Starfish Foster Home and their beautiful children. And it is honestly one of the most beautiful places on earth. There are always dirty diapers to change, mouths to feed, backs to pat, giggles to be heard and smiles that make everything seem right in this world.

I love my new home at Starfish and I already love the children we work with so deeply.

Last week Julee and I made a trip back to Luoyang to visit friends, attend our "Chinese" nephews birthday party and to get the remaining things we couldn't carry on the train to Xi'an the first time.

We also we blessed to visit the orphanage 2 times while we were there.

I can honestly say that my hands are trembling as I write this blog and I write it with tears in my eyes.

I've been in China for almost 4 months and I've met some amazing people and children here.

But there have been 2 babies that have changed my life forever.

And I met the second baby while we were in Luoyang.

I was visiting our friends that work on the 5th floor of the orphanage and met a little baby girl.

On the 5th floor there a around 40+ babies, most if not all with health problems and while living in Luoyang Julee and I started developing friendships with the nurses that care for these babies.

On this particular day I walked past the nurses room and there was a tiny little girl on the table.

This is not unusual to see but this time I walked into the room to see her condition and she was extremely malnourished. And my heart broke for her. Her body was frail and weak.

And I couldn't stop giving her kisses.

I'll never forget her eyes.

Looking into her eyes I saw Jesus.

I see children and babies all the time with medical conditions but she was different.

And the Jesus in me wanted to love her through kisses and loving words.

So I left her after only spending maybe 10 minutes with her and told the nurses I wold be coming back the next day to see her again.

When I went back the next day I heard the news that the precious little girl was with our Father in a home where she would never suffer again.

A little girl that I only knew for 10 minutes changed my life forever.

This was the second child to leave such a mark on my heart and this child was now in a Forever Home with our Forever Father.

She changed my life because she was the first person I mourned loosing without even knowing her name.

I've cried and cried over this little girl and questions have surfaced that I thought I would never have. But one thing remains.

Our Father remains the same.

He was in the room with her and I when I couldn't stop giving her kisses and He never left her side.

I write this because this is the reality I face and the things I am learning. It's not reader friendly and I struggle all the time with knowing what I should share on my blog and what I shouldn't share because the reality of the situation isn't reader friendly.

But I couldn't not write about this precious baby girl.

Please pray for the Nurses working on the Unit with all of the children. These nurses have the hardest job on this earth and they need to be clothed in prayer.

Their names are Erma and Jona.

Remember when I said there were 2 babies that changed my life?

I've written about this little one before.

His name is Cameron.

He is a baby that I brought home from the Xi'an orphanage.

He was extremely malnourished as well and I shared his story and I know a lot of you have been praying for him.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

This was Cameron on the first day I met him. He was un-responsive, extremely sick, malnourished, and on the edge of life itself. And he stole my heart.

This is my dearest Cameron now. He is healthy, chubby cheeked, pudgy arms, and full of smiles.

So he didn't enjoy this bath very much but look at how amazing his little body looks compared to when I first met him. This is only a month and a half later!

He honestly makes my heart leap in my chest.

Looking into his eyes, I have seen Jesus too.

The same Jesus that was in the room with me and the precious little girl that changed my life.

God knows how many days we will be on this earth and how many hairs are on our head.

The same God that chose to save one child chose to take another home to live with Him in eternal joy.

He never changes. He is constant.

In rejoicing or mourning, my Savior is the same. And He is worthy.

He's still loving, merciful, peaceful, all knowing and the great Physician.

There are some questions that I have that I will never have answered but I can honestly tell you one thing that I've learned.

I don't need answers to my questions as long as I have my precious Savior at my side.

I have hope because I will see her again and this time she won't be on a nurses table.

And I get to spend everyday giving my precious Cameron kisses and making him giggle.

And for that, I can honestly I tell you, I will be FOREVER grateful.

I have been so blessed to be loved by such a merciful Savior.

My Father is more precious to me than gold or silver.

My Father is all knowing, all loving, and all gracious.

His name is Worthy of all the praises that my lungs could utter.

I will live a life of worship in response to His forgiveness in my life.

My words will never be enough and I will always stumble through this world.

Because this is not my home.

My home is with my Forever Father in our Forever Home.

Moving Day....

2009-06-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

Well it's been quite a ride.

We've been living in Luoyang for over 3 months now.

It's funny because it's easy at times to forget that I'm living in China but then all I have to do is visit and meat market and I'm quickly reminded of the fact that I'm living on foreign soil.

You might find this barbaric *it is* but this week I was so proud of myself because I picked up raw chicken breasts directly out of the misc meat section of the supermarket. It's a challenge to find ANY kinds of meat pre-packaged or pre-frozen here. Most, if not all markets have carcases lying around where you touch and exam the carcass and then proceed to tell the butcher which piece of the meat you would like. Or they just have tons of meat cut up sitting open on dry ice (or sometimes not on ice)

So I finally braved the meat section of the market and dug into the meat section with both hands, like a real woman.

And rest assured that moments after my triumph in the meat section the Germ-Ex was out and applied.

4 times.

These past 3 months have been VERY eventful in every aspects of our lives. We came to work with the CHF and orphanage here in Luoyang.

But situations have arose and doors have been closed.

These children are beautiful, this city has become home, and these people have become family.

When we originally unpacked our luggage we intended on not packing it all back up again until we had remained in Luoyang for 1 year.

But we will be packing it up again tomorrow.

Doors and opportunities have been closed for me to remain in Luoyang and serve at the capacity that I feel like I'm called too.

So after prayer, prayer and more prayer.

I am moving to Xi'an to work alongside the Starfish Foster Home.

This decision comes with loads of mixed emotions.

But I can honestly say Hope, Excitement, Joy and Anticipation are my top 4.

And Gratefulness.

I'm grateful to have met the people and the children here in Luoyang and to have been a part of the CHF team.

So I'm leaving Luoyang with a thankful heart and an eagerness to see what adventures lie in my path. And a grateful heart, that no matter what may lie in my path, I'll never face it alone.

Oh and did I mention their are the most BEAUTIFUL children at Starfish.?.

I must make haste to Xi'an

because they are waiting for Auntie Chrissy to come and change their adorable stinky diapers.

Peace in the Storm....

2009-06-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

I will bless the Father at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth. Ps 34:1

First things first, thank you so much for your encouraging e-mails and messages to me over the past few weeks. Your encouragement has been a HUGE blessing in my life.

I'm going to work on creating a new way of saying "thank you" because it simply isn't a strong enough way of expressing how I feel.

So if you have any suggestions please let me know and we can hit up wikipedia with our new word.

But I write you with a grateful heart, so until I create a new word, thank you will have to do.

Blogger has been blocked over the past few weeks here in China so it has made it very difficult to update our blogs.

But Julee and I had an awesome week in Hong Kong. We have tourist visas while we are here in China so to keep our visas valid we have to travel out of the country every 3 months. So for that reason we traveled to Hong Kong and ate western food until our little hearts were content and until our jeans were to tight. I can't post pictures on blogger right now but if you want to see pictures from our trip, please visit my facebook page and enjoy looking at them!

But we have been back in Luoyang for around a week now.

Please continue to pray for the children here.

And please be praying for the CHF staff. (mainly Michael right now)

These past few weeks have been a roller coasters of information and emotions.

I find myself frustrated when I come to right in my blog, I wish I could only have happy, uplifting, funny or entertaining blog posts. I hate feeling like a Debby Downer, I want to be a Patricia Positive (Show Hope Girls) But that's simply not where I am at this stage of my life.

I hope you hear me when I say that I am not unhappy, depressed, angry or an unpleasant person. (or at least I hope not, you would have to ask my roommate to get the truth on that)

But I am simply in the midst of a storm. A storm that the Father has allowed me to be in. I'm praying that God would calm this storm that I find myself in but I'm learning that God usually calms us and our hearts before He calms the storm.

Do I enjoy being in the storm? NO

Am I graceful at learning spiritual lessons in the midst of the storm? that's a big NO

But strangely enough I'm slowly learning to embrace the wind and the waves. Because they are orchestrated by my Father. And ultimately if it was His will to calm the storm, the waters would be still. But He's allowed this storm. And still I will choose to say

"I will bless the Father at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth- Ps 34:1"

Because in between the pounding waves and hurling wind, God grants His children with a peace that calms our hearts. So whether the storm is raging or I am drowning, I am not alone and I have found the joy in the storm.

*I sent out an in-depth e-mail of my last 3 months in China to my sponsors and friends, if you would like to receive please let me know and I will send it to you.*

Picture Slideshow

2009-06-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

Here is a slideshow of my past 3 months here in China. I hope you enjoy!

It is well with my soul...

2009-05-18T01:19:00.000-07:00

Hello blogging family and friends, please forgive me for not writing very much lately.

Truthfully, there has been to much to write about and not enough time so I've been putting off blogging for a few weeks.

Thank you for your prayers for the children in Luoyang.

You'll never understand how evident your prayers are on this side of the earth.

Thank you for being faithful to lift us up in a time of need.

I still can't go into detail of the newest changes in my life in China but I can share a little about what I'm learning along the way.

I wrote this quote on my facebook but it's been my God given sanity for the past few days.

"Growing spiritually is ALWAYS accompanied by growing pains"

I've never been so hungry for a spiritual touch from my Father.

He is willing and He is able but for some reason recently the anointing I desire or the spiritual touch I desire is out of reach.

As if it was resting on a shelf just out of my reach.

My heart has broken, my words aren't efficient to comfort those needing comfort, and my direction has been completely changed.

I'm still ignorant of why this silence is present, maybe my heart is not in the right place?

Or maybe I have a sin in my life or my heart that is preventing my ears from hearing my Father in the ways I have in the past.

Or maybe my Father is speaking and I simply can't hear Him.

But in this recent and on going deafening silence, I've heard His voice in a small whisper.

Not in the same way I've heard Him before but in a new way.

In a way that I would have never wanted or willingly desired.

I've heard His voice in the midst of heartbreak.

In this life we are subjects to situations that we have no control in.

And everyone will suffer along the way.

And for some reason the voice of our Father seems to be quiet in some of these times.

But I'm *learning* (keyword learning) to be still and to be thankful.

No one enjoys being in pain or not hearing the voice of God in ways that we desire.

But what if that is half of what our walk should be?

I've been heartbroken and desperate.

And I haven't heard my God's voice in the way I desire, but I'm thankful to know that He is present. And whether I can feel Him or not, I know He is present.

When I can't feel Him near, I've learned to reach out none the less.

When our faith can no longer be backed up by our "feelings", our eyes or our hearts, will we still choose to say,

it is well with my soul?

This is nothing like I imagined or ever desired.

But I'm finding the grace to be thankful for the "growing pains" along the way.

My Father is faithful and when He is quiet, I will have to be more quiet and eagerly await His voice.

When He is at work, I pray I am along side of His plan.

When He bestows a fresh anointing on me, I pray that I share the anointing with the needy.

And when His presence seems absent, I will be still and choose to say it is well with my soul.

In the midst of pain and heartbreak, I have been given joy and peace in the dark valley.

I don't have the answers to my questions, but I have a peace.

My God may be quiet from time to time and I doubt I will ever know exactly why, but I'm thankful for His silence.

And when He chooses to speak, I pray that I am ready to listen.

Cute little faces...

2009-05-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

He has the whole world in His hands...

2009-05-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

Within the past week things have changed drastically in Luoyang.

Changes have occurred that have changed the lives of a lot of the children in Luoyang.

I can't go into details but please keep the children in your prayers.

Please pray that God would protect them individually and that He reveal Himself to them in their separate situations.

God promises to be the Father to the Fatherless and I know He is true to His word.

He is faithful and He is gracious, even when we don't have the answers to our questions.

Again please put the children of the Luoyang orphanage in your prayers.

Thank you you for your prayers and please know that we will update everyone as soon as we can.

My Momma....

2009-05-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

My Mom is my hero.

I realize not very many people in this world are able to make such a statement but I'm blessed beyond measure.

In a world of broken families, I was privileged and blessed to have my family.

If you know anything about our story and what we've been through you will look at my last statement with confusion and bewilderment.

But God gave my family my Mom.

Both of my parents are wonderful, loving and Godly people but today is Mothers Day so my Mom gets to steal the show this time. (sorry Dad)

My Mom has always been a wonderful Woman of God.

All my life I grew up knowing that my Mom loved Jesus more than she loved anything else on this earth. And that is why I am so thankful for her.

Mom has always been a grace giver and a self less Mother.

She always had her family as her first priority over her own desires.

I know that no Mother has an easy job raising children, but my Mom had me and my sisters so she really had her work cut out for her.

One of my fondest memories of my Mom is when I was in 4th grade. She was driving me to school and as we were pulling up in the parking lot we saw the play ground. If you got to school early enough you could play on the playground until school started but on that day when we drove up my Mom and I saw that there was a little boy cornered in the fence by a big group of bullies. It was obvious that this little boy was going to be beat up and all of the bigger kids were screaming at the little boy in the corner. All of a sudden my Mom pulls our car right up to the fence directly behind the little boy. Mom got out of the car and started talking to the bullies telling them to leave this little boy alone. And they did.

(Meanwhile the whole time my Mom was outside of the car I had hid my face in my lap and was praying that no one would know that this was my Mom.)

I was embarrassed at the time that my Mom had done the right thing and stood up for the little boy that couldn't protect himself. Little did I know at that time that would be one of my favorite memories of my Mom.

My Momma sees people through Christ's eyes.

She doesn't care if she looks crazy to complete strangers or to her own family, She is going to serve the Lord with all of her being and she loves people the way that God loves people.

So Happy Mothers Day Mom.

I love you and I'm so thankful to have such an amazing woman of God as my Mom.

I love you.

Chrissy

Learning the little things...

2009-04-29T01:50:00.001-07:00

Things I've learned since being in China:

-That most Chinese people think all Caucasian people look the same.

-That the birthday song is not a rare song for special occasions such as ones birthday here in China but it is an anthem for the trash man and a ring tone for alarm clocks as well.

-I don't think twice about using the tap water.

-Asian babies might be cuter than any other babies.

-Most Chinese people that we've talked to like President Obama.

-I'm horrible at speaking my native language.

-I'm even worse at Chinese.

-I walk daily in some one's spit, poop or pee. Since all of these activities take place on the sidewalks.

-The Chinese family unit is a very strong thing.

-People here love learning new things.

-The kids I work with are probably the cutest kids that are on this planet right now.

-Everything I thought I knew before moving here has most likely been challenged in one way or another.

-My faith has been at it's strongest and at it's weakest since being in this country.

-I've learned how deep my love for Mexican food really is.

-I've learned how to keep an orchid and banzai tree alive for 2 months now.

-I've learned how to communicate without speaking.

-I'v learned Chinese women want to be as pale as possible.

-People tell me daily that I'm beautiful because I have a long face, bigger eyes than the average Chinese person and because I am frighteningly pale.

-I've learned I'm not as flexible as I always thought I was.

-I've learned how thankful I am for Coca-Cola being in China.

-I've learned that I have an almost impossible name for the average Chinese person to pronounce. (Mom & Dad I'm afraid that's your fault, but I still love you)

-My new Chinese name is Ai Tong which means "love's kids" (Tong Tong for short).

-I've learned talking about religion or spirituality will get you no where if action isn't paired with it.

-I've learned the names of the 5 in the Jackson Five.

-I've learned that a smile, a hug, or a kiss from a child can make the darkest day a lot brighter.

-I've learned karaoke is no joking matter in China. KTV is a way of life.

-I've learned how much I love the smell of laundry detergent.

-I've learned that I am an extremely self fish person.

-I've learned that I love blind babies, dwarf babies and babies with tumors on their tongues.

-I've learned that Philippine nurses are my hero's.

-I've learned that sunshine can melt away a hard heart.

-I've learned that Chinese cell phone speakers are louder than my car stereo at home.

-And I've learned that even when God's presence isn't overwhelmingly present that you have to pursue it with everything in you. But it's none the less sweeter.

-I've learned how to love greater and I've seen true love in it's rawest form.

I've learned a lot since being here and I can assure you the learning is far from being done...

Washing Machine Holiday....

2009-04-24T02:01:00.000-07:00

So this past week has been a whirlwind.

Seriously, I have no idea what I've done on which days because at this point they've all started running together. But in the midst of the madness I have one day that stands out like a beam of sun light.

(are you ready for a really spiritual post)

The beam of sunlight in my life this past week was getting this beauty.

Take a moment to soak in this wonderful machines beauty.

I'll give you a few moments.

Yesterday on April 23 I became a mother to a wonderful washing machine.

We've now been living in China for almost 7 weeks.

And out of those 49 days we had only washed our clothes 2 times.

Because we didn't have a washing machine in our apartment we had to borrow our lovely friends washing machine and hike all the way across town with all the laundry we owned. (because Luoyang doesn't have laundry mats)

Which to those of you out there that are critical thinkers, this sounds easy enough but imagine....

having to tow your HUGE bag of 3 week old laundry down 5 flights of stairs to walk to catch a taxi, then to throw the laundry into the back of the taxi and take a 30 minute taxi ride to the other side of town. Then our WONDERFUL friends ( that live on the 2 floor of their apartment building ) allowed us to completely inconvenience their lives by taking a few hours out of their afternoon to do our laundry.

Oh and did I mention China doesn't believe in dryers?

So after taking a few hours to wash all of our clothes in one setting we had to load up our now even heavier wet laundry and carry it out of the apartment complex to catch a taxi. Return home on the 30 minute taxi ride to then be faced with the daunting 5 flights of stairs again.

So after explaining how precious this machine is I'm going to leave you another chance to take in it's beauty.

I'm not obsessed with this piece of machinery but I'm very thankful God is allowing me to be it's temporary mother.

I will do my best to make sure that it's filters stay clean of dust or dirt. I've even given it a piece of our already small bathroom so it could have a cozy living space.

Not that love can be measured but I have given up 3 1/2 feet of my 5 foot showering space to help this machine have a prime location.

How's that for love?

p.s. for those of you that helped me financially to live here in China you probably have had problems reading this post because you saw the washing machine price tag. Let me comfort you with the fact that this was on a massive sale. We only paid 1,032 rmb ( 7 rmb go into 1 US dollar) And we then split that washing machine 3 ways since I will not be the only adoptive mother of this machinery.

So in total I spent $35 US dollars.

Not bad, right?

So feel free to resume reading my post after the price tag picture now with your new found wisdom.

:) Love, Chrissy

Easter...

2009-04-17T01:31:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures from my Easter with the kids.

We got to take 40 of the older kids out for brunch, an Easter egg hunt, and then we returned back to the orphanage to color eggs.

A friend going over the Easter story with the kids in the park. We had the Resurection Eggs to go through the story with and the kids loved it. All of the kids wanted to open an egg.

For those of you that aren't familiar with the Resurrection Eggs ( I wasn't either ) they are 12 eggs in a plastic egg carton that walk through the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. Each egg has an item inside that symbolizes a part of the story. In this picture one of the boys got to open the last egg. Which was empty, because Christ didn't stayed buried. His face was priceless when he opened this egg.

See I told you, priceless.

Julee and hanging out with some of the girls in the shade. We all sat there for about 15 minutes until a park landscaper told us that the grass wasn't meant to be sat on or walked on. We were suppose to only admire the grass from a distance. Which made me laugh really hard.

Tom with his finished product. We boiled over 200+ eggs for the kids to boil so they had a blast coloring eggs.

All of the kids kept bringing their eggs up to us to show us. So we made a display table in the center of the room to show off the kids talent. They were awesome at painting eggs.

My Easter egg that I colored for my momma. I was going to send it to her in the mail but I decided after 2 weeks in a box it might not be considered a gift anymore. Just a smelly mess. So I took a picture instead.

What's Easter without an arm wrestling contest?

Friends bought all of the kids Easter presents and books. The kids loved all of their special gifts and books. The books were also talking about the reason we celebrate Easter so it was awesome to see the kids reading their books all day.

If you are my friend on facebook I have a lot more pictures on there of our Easter. But I wanted to make sure that I posted some on the blog as well.

Thank you so much for being a part of my journey in China. For those of you that have helped me with financial or prayer support I couldn't say thank you enough. Without your willingness to give or to pray none of this would be a reality for me.

I love each and everyone of you and I love each and every one of these kids.

Thank you again for you faithfulness.

Love, Chrissy

cloudy day in Luoyang...

2009-04-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

I asked You for life, and You sent your son to die for me.

I asked You for hope, You came in the night and gave me a dream.

I asked You for freedom, You broke every chain and gave me the keys.

I asked You for love never-ending and every day You surround me.

Kim Walker- I asked you for life

I found Kim Walker this week through an e-mail from my mommy. If you love you some good worship music, go download her stuff, I have being playing it non stop and my roommate is hating me for it. :) But I cannot get enough of her for some reason. This song has been a huge ministering tool to me for a few days now.

I have tons and tons of things I could write about but I'm going to ask for prayer for team and myself. These past few days have been very busy and very tiring. We had an amazing Easter with the kids and I will be sure to write about that soon but ever since Easter there has been a very evident heaviness in Luoyang and with my team of friends.

It's hard to put into words but there is a spiritual heaviness here that is constantly fighting for our joy and it's kind of kicking all of our butts right now. There is always a struggle to do everyday little things when you are living in a foreign environment but we have been struggling in the spiritual things as well. So I would ask you guys to pray for a few things:

-please pray that God would help us break through this spiritual and physical fog

-please pray that God would minister to each of my friends on a deeper level

-please pray that this heaviness would be lifted from our hearts, our lives, and this city

-please pray that God would give all of us encouraging words for one another and that God would allow us to minister to each other

-please pray that we all realize that we cannot achieve anything in our own strength and that we would wait for God to work in our situations

-please pray that God would give us patience in the areas of our lives that we are waiting on a word from God

Moral of the story: God is faithful, He true, He is ever present, He is the great provider, He is all knowing, His understanding surpasses our earthly wisdom, His timing is perfect, and He will never leave or forsake His children. He is the father to the fatherless, the Husband to the widow, the Friend to the friendless, the Comforter to the broken heart, and the Encourager to the weary soul.

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,

A stronghold in times of trouble,

Those who know your name will trust in you,

for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you"

Ps 9:9-10

Thank you so much for your prayers, and I can honestly say that prayer has never been more evident since I've been here. I love that all I have to do is write in my blog and I know that people that care for me and my team are there to lift us up. Thank you so much for your hearts and your prayers.

Love, Chrissy

Pictures, pictures, pictures...

2009-04-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

I always talk about the cute kids I get to work with so I wanted to share a few photos with you guys.....

Maggie, Ginger, Emily, Lilly, Melina, Eve

Some of the beautiful girls we got to take to the park.

Luoyang is known nationally for having a beautiful spring with tons of flowers to we took the kids to a park before the official "tourist" season.

Maggie and me. And I wish I had a lot more pictures of this park and the beautiful day we had with the kiddos but my camera died right after we took this picture. But you can check out www.chinahomefoundation.blogspot.com to look at a few more.

Julee and I with our wonderful Chinese teacher. We love us some LJ. You know she has to been an amazing teacher if she has the patience to teach me Chinese.

And she puts up with me and Julee being complete goof balls from time to time.

This time only the "big kids" went to the park.

And the pictures beneath this are all from the fingernail painting week. Julee and I bought finger nail polish for the girls and they had a BLAST painting their finger nails. Seriously a blast. Every night Julee and I left the orphanage with at least 3 different colors of finger nail polish. It was awesome.

But I wrote all about the fingernail painting in the CHF blog so if you want to hear stories go check it out.

www.chinahomefoundation.blogspot.com

Susan & Carrie

Alicia- this little girl has sass that goes for mile. I love it.

Emily & LeeAnn

15 tubes of fingernail polish + 4 containers of remover + 3 packages of paper towels = fingernail painting awesomeness

Ok before your minds start running let me stop you. We didn't encourage the boys to paint their fingernails but after 4 nights of fingernail painting the boys were wanting to get in on the action as well. So they painted their fingernails and they turned their painted fingernails into fighting weapons and super powers. Seriously it was so funny to see the girls all comparing colors and telling each other how cute their nails looked and then the boys on the other side of the room having super hero fighting matches with their painted "weapons".

It was a amazing sight.

Little Timmy

Sweet little Lane

So obviously the girls were having fun with their nails so Susan decided she wanted to give me a hair make-over. Which sounds pretty cool right? But here's the catch, my hair was curly. My hair has been neglected for a month and a half now since I've been in China so a typical day is for me to curl my hair and then throw it up. My hair doesn't like combs because it winds up looking even bigger than normal. The picture is the proof. But Susan was diligent to comb out every bit of my hair and I braved through the tears. :)

Just FYI she did a fantastic job with my hair. It's not her fault my hair is un-tamable.

And as I wait for you...

2009-04-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave

I wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might

I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here

But the comfort of you near is what I long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same

When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray

And I want you more than I want to live another day

And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Show me how I should live this

Show me where I should walk

I count this world as loss to me

You are all I want

Faithful by Brooke Fraser

Yesterday I celebrated my first month anniversary of being in China. I can't believe it's already been a month since I left home to start my new life here in China. This past month has caused me to grow in more areas than I would like to admit. I feel like I've gotten a really good clear look at myself over the past few weeks and a lot of the time I felt embarrassed of how childish I am at times or how shallow I found myself being.

Again I promised myself that I was going to try and be as transparent as possible when keeping this blog so if you don't like honesty...... you might need to close the internet window right about now.

But for the past 2 weeks or so I've felt like I've had a dark cloud following me very closely. I've had an amazing time since I've been here in China and the good out weights the bad by a vast measurement but non the less the dark cloud was still lurking very closely behind me. I didn't even know what the feelings were or where they were coming from but they were very real and very present. I started trying to describe the cloud of feelings to a few people close to me and found myself discouraged with the words that were forming in my mouth.

I've been exposed to things here that I would have only seen on the tv at home. Poverty isn't just in an infomercial here, it's starring you in the eyes on the street corners. Abandonment isn't just a "complex" or a stereo type anymore but I now know children names upon names that have been abandoned for one reason or another.

Through discussing my feelings with friends I realized that lingering feeling was heartbreak. We always have hope, you know that, I know that, but I've found myself having to tell myself over and over again that there is hope. I feel utterly helpless to help the ones around me that I've grown to love. And I've found myself utterly frustrated.

Over the summer when I visited China for the first time I wrote myself an e-mail. I knew that I wanted to return to China for long term and I didn't want to forget why. So a good friend gave me the advice of writing an e-mail to myself. So I did. And I had never opened the e-mail until yesterday.

"It's (my life in China) not going to look or feel anything like I will expect or imagine, but it is what God has me to do and there is no safer place for me to be but in His will"

So here's to 11 more months of heartbreak, frustration, smiles, little giggles, hugs, kisses, I love you's, painting little fingernails, getting makeovers, hand games that I don't think I'll ever understand, tickle fights and park days.

But today, tomorrow, in one week or in 11 months from now we all have 1 thing still, HOPE. Hope and love for a Creator that allows us to walk through this life that doesn't always make sense to our small earthly minds. But we never have to walk through it alone. My heart has never been more grateful for the Hope that I have in and through my Creator. Whether I have to hold onto the hope with a tight grip or if I feel it's ever near presence. We have hope non the less.

So here's to 11 more months of hope through the heartbreak

Childhood bully...

2009-03-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

I was reading this morning and stumbled upon something that stuck out to me like a sore thumb. I was reading Paul's first letter to the Galatians and this passage grabbed my attention. In this book Paul is explaining how he became a christian and how he persecuted the church and hated the church until God completely changed his heart. He went from killing, in prisoning, torturing a people for their faith to a few years later preaching the same very gospel and loving the very same God that those people devoted their lives to follow. And Paul's story alone could speak multitudes on God grace and love to us but I got caught up on verse 23, 24:

23 They only heard the report, "the man who formerly persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy" 24 And they praised God because of me

The people that Paul had singled out to physically harm and to try and silence were his new brothers and sisters. He had done everything in his power to destroy these people and their belief system and yet God chose to use him in an unbelievable way.

Think about it, picture the bully from your school but picture him on steroids. That's who Paul was, he was out to harm your mom, your dad, your brothers, your sisters, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your grandparents, and your children. Anyone who would claim to have a faith was an enemy of Paul's. But 3 years down the road after God met Paul and changed his heart dramatically God called Paul to preach the gospel. And the believers that had once been hunted down by this man were praising God because of him now. His dramatic life change forced them to see Gods love and grace and they praised God because of him.

Their faith makes me feel like I'm an inch tall. I love God but if you try to hurt my momma we will have some issues to work out. I think we would all love to say that we would turn the other cheek, or love our enemies but in reality how many enemies do we have in our daily lives? Maybe our enemy is the soccer ref, your child's teacher, a neighbor, an ex-relationship, a family member that harmed us or abused us. But imagine someone who was out to kill you, could you praise God instantly upon hearing that they were now a follower of God? Loving your enemy is one thing but praising God for your enemy, that's a whole different story.

To have a faith like these people is mind blowing. That's the kind of faith I want. Thats the kind of God I serve.

Little things here and there...

2009-03-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I always want to write about a specific thing when I blog to keep myself from rambling off random facts about my day. But I've had a few requests about what my common day in China looks like so I thought I would give you guys the "run down" of my new life in China and just some fun random facts that I've learned about the city I live in.

-The kiddos are in school right now so CHF staff and volunteers (me and Julee) can really only hang out with the kids on the week nights and the weekends right now but CHF started their first english classes for the kids and the kids are doing amazing at learning English! Seriously they have been learning so quickly and Michael is a great teacher that keeps the classes very fun and engaging. But total we have 40 students taking the class. But the kids are beautiful and so stinking smart!

-Julee and I have a kitchen in our apartment but thus far all we've cooked is this healthy line up or tasty treats........... grilled cheese, scrambled eggs and macaroni and cheese. It's really sad but we don't know what else we can cook! We eat out a LOT just because it's almost cheaper to eat out than to cook but we are growing very desperate for food to cook. It's been very challenging to find the right ingredients to cook anything that I would usually cook at home. But I can honestly tell you that I would pay a lot of money for Mexican food right about now. :)

-Our toilet was fixed a few days ago! That was an exciting event. It's pretty silly/pathetic how excited I was that our toilet actually flushed and we didn't need to use a bucket anymore!

-We haven't done laundry in 3 weeks. Seriously people, 3 weeks. We don't have a washing machine in our apartment and taking our laundry to get it done for us can get pricey so we have yet to do it. But good news, Julee, Mikey and I are going to go an look for washing machines today so that we can do our laundry. woo woo.

-My cute little pink bike was out of commision for a few days due to the screws falling off my seat (the screws fell off when I was riding my bike home from the bike store that I bought it from) but luckily a good friend worked some magic and got it back up and running.

-I think China is going to cure me from my motion sickness because every vehicle or form of transportation makes me sick to my stomach. But within the past week I've been blessed and haven't really been effected by the chaotic driving.

-We are taking language classes 3 times a week for 2 hours each class and it can be very overwhelming at times but I think we are doing a good job of picking up the basics so far but we have a very funny teacher that is great at putting up with our silly questions and lack of memory.

-Funny random fact, Chinese women want to be as fair skinned as they can. It's very attractive to be very pale in China. So everywhere Julee and I go people keep telling us we are beautiful. We were at the supermarket yesterday and actually saw face lotion with "whitening" in it.

Here's a fun little video we shot in our apartment of a common day in our new home. Hope you enjoy!

Ps 121...

2009-03-24T01:11:00.000-07:00

I lift up my eyes to the hills,

from where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made the heavens and the earth.

He will not let your foot be moved,

he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper,

the Lord is your shade on your right hand,

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil,

he will keep your life.

The Lord will keep your going and your coming

from this time forth and forevermore.

The beauty about these scriptures are that they weren't written for a certain people group in a certain country. The word is living and is relevant for all people in every country. What's true in these scriptures is true for the orphans, the widow, the preacher, the deacon, the student, the teacher, the prostitute, the drunk, the drug addict, the street vendors and even the garbage man that drives his trash truck past my house countless times a day blaring the "happy birthday" song. The God I serve doesn't see color, country or title. He sees his children. And His desire is for us to find our refuge in Him and only Him.

Transparency....

2009-03-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

I've sat down to write in my blog probably 15 times these past few days. But every time I sit down to write I find myself at loss for words. My goal with keeping this blog is to encourage the loved ones and friends that I left behind and to keep everyone updated on my life in China. But I also wanted to use this as a tool to reflect transparency on my adventures of living in China. I think we all want to be a part of something so much bigger than ourselves. We desire to have a role in a story that is so much bigger than what we can comprehend. Often when I use to think about moving to China I now see that I had this "romantic" idea of what would take place and how my life would be. I wanted to be part of something bigger than myself in moving to this country. This was the year of my life when I devoted my everything to being a vessel for God through a year of service.

As with anything in life (or at least mine) nothing is ever the way I had it pictured. China was nothing like I had thought it was going to be. Most of the time when God tries to teach me something I drag my feet along most of the way until I finally trip and fall on my face. God started asking me this question, "What if you don't have a role to play in a big story? What if your name is never remembered? What if you moved all the way over to China and didn't have a single impact on a single child's life? Would you still be content? Would you be willing to live a life of loving worship to Me? Would you be content in living a life that was strictly worshipping the Creator of the universe and not having a role in any other story than that?"

These seem like silly questions to struggle with but I honestly found myself questioning my motives and my heart. The truth is I wasn't desiring that kind of relationship with the Creator at first..... I wanted to love God with everything that was in me while being part of a bigger story. But God wanted to bring me to a place where even if I accomplished nothing of any importance while I was here on this earth, could I be content with just loving Him with my whole heart, my life and my entire being?

This is what I want my love to look like to my Creator. Even if I accomplish nothing while I'm on this earth, I want to be able to meet Him at the end of my life being able to say I just wanted You.

Honestly I can say that I'm not at this point in my faith but it's what I desire.....

a common day is uncommon here...

2009-03-14T03:36:00.000-07:00

Today Julee and I had a free day so we took the bus to a shopping center/grocery store. But before we went shopping we ate at our first western restaurant to celebrate our 1 week marker. I had a cheese burger that tasted like a frozen meal and a cold coke... yumm......

Grocery shopping in China can be very, very overwhelming. Today is Saturday so they had tons and tons of promotions for different items of food and there were people at the end of every shopping row trying to get Julee and I to buy or eat their product. I'm trying to think of a good word to describe the grocery store today and all I can think of is "circus". But we filled our shopping cart full of random items we recognized and came home to a very dirty house.

Since we've been in our apartment we haven't had very much time to "deep clean" anything so we took time today to scrub the kitchen clean as well as the bathroom sink. One word for both cleaning endeavours "grossness" but we had a successful cleaning experience. I'm not brave enough or emotionally stable enough at this point to try and scrub the toilet but I'm trying to work my way to there. (For those of you that don't already know, our toilet doesn't flush or have water in it. We have to "flush" our stuff down the toilet with a bucket) So needless to say the toilet needs some serious TLC. And we are talking about the kind of TLC that takes an entire day.

But after our exhausting/traumatic day we are rewarding ourselves with a feast of macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches. (Julee bought mac & cheese in Beijing and we are so thankful that she did because they have a VERY limited source of western food here in Luoyang)

But that basically sums up our day. I know I haven't posted much about the kiddo's yet but I will soon. Please keep them in your prayers though because there has been a sickness going around the orphanage this week and a lot of the kids are sick. With them being sick we are having to give them time to rest and get better. But please pray for them. It's zero fun being sick.

Love, Chrissy

rainy mornings and frozen milk...

2009-03-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

So it's morning 5 in Luoyang. And I woke up from my first really good night of sleep to a rainy morning and had a bowl of cereal with our frozen milk. It's still surreal that we actually call this place home now but it feels like home already in almost every way. I don't even think I can begin to describe the things I've already learned since I've been here.

It was easy for me to confess my faith with my mouth while I was at home in my comfortable surroundings but moving to a foreign country has caused me to question everything at certain times. The first 2 days I really struggled with culture shock/homesickness but God was faithful and revealed Himself to me in more ways than I could ever describe to you. I serve such a merciful and loving God. I kept questioning my abilities and my calling to be here in China. I kept thinking that I was in no way capable of handling the everyday things in a foreign country or capable of creating meaningful relationships with the beautiful kids that I get the privilege of working with. And all of a sudden I hit a wall, in my thought process, and I reached my limit. I've hit rock bottoms before but I think this one was a different kind of rock bottoms. Moving here at first made me question everything I believed and knew to be true and I couldn't be more thankful for it now. I will never be prepared enough to take a leap of faith. If God allowed me to become fully prepared for anything before I took a leap of faith I would never do anything or go anywhere. I am and will never be fully prepared to live in China, I will never be able to help these children in every way that they need care or love. But now I really and truly understand and trust that the God I serve doesn't demand that of me. I am incapable of anything on my own. He will always call me to a tasks that I cannot do. But God enables me with the spiritual gifts that I need to accomplish the tasks daily. This is Gods country, Gods people and Gods creation and He has a plan so much bigger than I could ever fathom. And I'm so humbled that I get to be a part of the bigger picture. To bring praise to the Creator. To bring Him glory is my greatest desire.

But here are a few pictures of the past few days..... More pictures will be posted soon! And next I will have pictures of the cute kids!

This was our luggage....... all 9 pieces of it. It could have been a lot worse dragging this stuff around but I can assure you it was not a walk in the park. But we were blessed to finally arrive to our destination and still have all of our luggage!

This was our first successful shopping trip to "dennis" (our grocery store)

We met an amazing new friend, Stella and she was helping us get a good deal on our bikes. She was amazing.

These are our new bikes! Mines the pink bike and Julee's is the yellow one. We have little bells and baskets on our bikes as well! How cute are these?

2 cute little boys playing soccer in an alley

Outside a hair salon in town. Big hair in a really cool thing here in China. Who knew? I fit it! You can't walk down the street without seeing at least 1 or 2 girls with their hair teased really big.

Our apartment is in the "old city" of Luoyang so we walk down stone streets and street vendors everyday. I know it most likely will become a very "ordinary" thing to us as we are here for a longer time but I hope I can still take time to really take in my surroundings and give praise to the One who created it.

Outside the old city wall of Luoyang with my new friends. Can you believe that this is about a 7 minute walk from my house? I am definitely not in Oklahoma anymore.

I'm in China...

2009-03-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!!

I only have a few moments to write in here but I'm in China and have been for a few days now! After traveling for 48+ hours by plane, train, and bus we finally made it in to Luoyang and were exhausted. But we will have internet in our apartment within the next 2 days so I will update as soon as I can. Stay tuned for pictures of our new home and the beautiful kids we get to work with!

Love, Chrissy

greasy pizza and airports....

2009-03-04T11:13:00.000-08:00

So I'm in my hotel room in Newark, NJ with Julee now! I just had a horribly greasy piece of pizza (hotel food) and now we are both sitting on our beds trying to catch up on e-mails that are needing to be sent out.

These past few days have been a whirlwind of family time, friends and packing.

Here's my weekend in pictures:

My family. My Dad hates taking pictures so he was being goofy with my dog.

Dad dropped my dog (Moser) on my head in this picture!

My cousins and Grandparents came in for my last weekend before I left

This is all of the clothes I own. :) This was the beginning of the packing process. It took 5 of us to get everything in my bags.

more stuff that needed to be put in my bags..... 1 years worth of stuff gets really big and heavy quick...

2 of my best friends in the world. You know you have true friends when they help you pack for 2 hours. And this wasn't just throwing stuff in bags it was packing on crack. It took 5 of us to get the job done.

My lifeline team...

2 of my dearest friends

We were delirious after hours of packing and we decided to take pictures!

So after a very exhausting weekend I arrived at the airport this morning at 6:10am with my wonderful family. I had 2 50lb bags and 3 carry on's.

Jules and I crammed in our taxi leaving the Newark, NJ airport. Forgive us because we haven't slept in days and I'm definitely not very cute in this picture but Julee had never ridden in a cab before so this trip has already been a trip of firsts.

But we are leaving tomorrow at noon for China officially. After a 13 hour flight we are meeting Mikey to take an overnight train ride to then finally arrive at our destination. We are excited and ready to finally get settled into our new home! Thank you so much for all of your love and support. I have been so bl-ssed by your words of encouragement.

Sorry if this post isn't very consistent. I'm a little scatter brained but I still wanted to keep you guys updated!

Love, Chrissy