Monday, May 18, 2009

It is well with my soul...

Hello blogging family and friends, please forgive me for not writing very much lately.
Truthfully, there has been to much to write about and not enough time so I've been putting off blogging for a few weeks.
Thank you for your prayers for the children in Luoyang.
You'll never understand how evident your prayers are on this side of the earth.
 Thank you for being faithful to lift us up in a time of need.
I still can't go into detail of the newest changes in my life in China but I can share a little about what I'm learning along the way. 
I wrote this quote on my facebook but it's been my God given sanity for the past few days.

"Growing spiritually is ALWAYS accompanied by growing pains"

I've never been so hungry for a spiritual touch from my Father.
He is willing and He is able but for some reason recently the anointing I desire or the spiritual touch I desire is out of reach.
 As if it was resting on a shelf just out of my reach.
My heart has broken, my words aren't efficient to comfort those needing comfort, and my direction has been completely changed.
I'm still ignorant of why this silence is present, maybe my heart is not in the right place?
Or maybe I have a sin in my life or my heart that is preventing my ears from hearing my Father in the ways I have in the past.
Or maybe my Father is speaking and I simply can't hear Him.

But in this recent and on going deafening silence, I've heard His voice in a small whisper. 
Not in the same way I've heard Him before but in a new way.
In a way that I would have never wanted or willingly desired.
I've heard His voice in the midst of heartbreak.

In this life we are subjects to situations that we have no control in.
And everyone will suffer along the way.
And for some reason the voice of our Father seems to be quiet in some of these times.

But I'm *learning* (keyword learning) to be still and to be thankful.
No one enjoys being in pain or not hearing the voice of God in ways that we desire.
But what if that is half of what our walk should be? 
I've been heartbroken and desperate.
And I haven't heard my God's voice in the way I desire, but I'm thankful to know that He is present. And whether I can feel Him or not, I know He is present.
When I can't feel Him near, I've learned to reach out none the less.
When our faith can no longer be backed up by our "feelings", our eyes or our hearts, will we still choose to say, 
it is well with my soul?
This is nothing like I imagined or ever desired.
But I'm finding the grace to be thankful for the "growing pains" along the way.
My Father is faithful and when He is quiet, I will have to be more quiet and eagerly await His voice.
When He is at work, I pray I am along side of His plan.
When He bestows a fresh anointing on me, I pray that I share the anointing with the needy.
And when His presence seems absent, I will be still and choose to say it is well with my soul.

In the midst of pain and heartbreak, I have been given joy and peace in the dark valley.
I don't have the answers to my questions, but I have a peace.
My God may be quiet from time to time and I doubt I will ever know exactly why, but I'm thankful for His silence.
And when He chooses to speak, I pray that I am ready to listen.

1 comment:

  1. Chrissy,

    I read this post yesterday and I just didn't have time to respond like I wanted to. I wanted to offer you encouragement during this time of silence and waiting on the Lord. I want you to know that I have been there. It was one of the hardest struggles that I had ever been through. Waiting on the Lord can be so trying, but if you can let it, it can also be so freeing. Because he is in CONTROL!!! You can rest in that. Consider this the fieldtrip lesson in which you learned all of the information in the classroom. You are being called to fall back on the knowledge that you have and know about God. Even though his voice may be silent right now, he hasn't forgotten you. He is teaching you something, cling to the truth that you know, for it will guide you through until his voice is heard again. HE has a plan for you and for each and every one of those beautiful children in China. Hang on tight to the word for it will become your life line.

    "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who WAIT for him" (Isa 30:18).
    "The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment" (2Pet 2:9).
    "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1Pet 5:7).
    "He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Eccl 3:11)

    Praying for you.