Monday, June 29, 2009

In Mourning or Rejoicing, You are Worthy...

These past few weeks have been the greatest and the hardest since I've been in China.
We moved to our new home in Xi'an working with the Starfish Foster Home and their beautiful children. And it is honestly one of the most beautiful places on earth. There are always dirty diapers to change, mouths to feed, backs to pat, giggles to be heard and smiles that make everything seem right in this world. 
I love my new home at Starfish and I already love the children we work with so deeply.

Last week Julee and I made a trip back to Luoyang to visit friends, attend our "Chinese" nephews birthday party and to get the remaining things we couldn't carry on the train to Xi'an the first time. 
We also we blessed to visit the orphanage 2 times while we were there.
I can honestly say that my hands are trembling as I write this blog and I write it with tears in my eyes.
I've been in China for almost 4 months and I've met some amazing people and children here.
But there have been 2 babies that have changed my life forever.
And I met the second baby while we were in Luoyang.
I was visiting our friends that work on the 5th floor of the orphanage and met a little baby girl.
On the 5th floor there a around 40+ babies, most if not all with health problems and while living in Luoyang Julee and I started developing friendships with the nurses that care for these babies.
On this particular day I walked past the nurses room and there was a tiny little girl on the table. 
This is not unusual to see but this time I walked into the room to see her condition and she was extremely malnourished. And my heart broke for her. Her body was frail and weak.
And I couldn't stop giving her kisses. 
I'll never forget her eyes. 
Looking into her eyes I saw Jesus. 
I see children and babies all the time with medical conditions but she was different.
And the Jesus in me wanted to love her through kisses and loving words.
So I left her after only spending maybe 10 minutes with her and told the nurses I wold be coming back the next day to see her again. 
When I went back the next day I heard the news that the precious little girl was with our Father in a home where she would never suffer again.
A little girl that I only knew for 10 minutes changed my life forever.
This was the second child to leave such a mark on my heart and this child was now in a Forever Home with our Forever Father.
She changed my life because she was the first person I mourned loosing without even knowing her name.

I've cried and cried over this little girl and questions have surfaced that I thought I would never have. But one thing remains. 
Our Father remains the same.
He was in the room with her and I when I couldn't stop giving her kisses and He never left her side. 
I write this because this is the reality I face and the things I am learning. It's not reader friendly and I struggle all the time with knowing what I should share on my blog and what I shouldn't share because the reality of the situation isn't reader friendly.
But I couldn't not write about this precious baby girl.
Please pray for the Nurses working on the Unit with all of the children. These nurses have the hardest job on this earth and they need to be clothed in prayer.
Their names are Erma and Jona.

Remember when I said there were 2 babies that changed my life?
I've written about this little one before.
His name is Cameron.
He is a baby that I brought home from the Xi'an orphanage.
He was extremely malnourished as well and I shared his story and I know a lot of you have been praying for him.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

This was Cameron on the first day I met him. He was un-responsive, extremely sick, malnourished, and on the edge of life itself. And he stole my heart.

This is my dearest Cameron now. He is healthy, chubby cheeked, pudgy arms, and full of smiles.

So he didn't enjoy this bath very much but look at how amazing his little body looks compared to when I first met him. This is only a month and a half later!

He honestly makes my heart leap in my chest. 
Looking into his eyes, I have seen Jesus too.

The same Jesus that was in the room with me and the precious little girl that changed my life.
God knows how many days we will be on this earth and how many hairs are on our head.
The same God that chose to save one child chose to take another home to live with Him in eternal joy.
He never changes. He is constant.
In rejoicing or mourning, my Savior is the same. And He is worthy.
He's still loving, merciful, peaceful, all knowing and the great Physician. 
There are some questions that I have that I will never have answered but I can honestly tell you one thing that I've learned.
I don't need answers to my questions as long as I have my precious Savior at my side.
I have hope because I will see her again and this time she won't be on a nurses table.
And I get to spend everyday giving my precious Cameron kisses and making him giggle.
And for that, I can honestly I tell you, I will be FOREVER grateful.
I have been so blessed to be loved by such a merciful Savior.

My Father is more precious to me than gold or silver.
My Father is all knowing, all loving, and all gracious.
His name is Worthy of all the praises that my lungs could utter.
I will live a life of worship in response to His forgiveness in my life.
My words will never be enough and I will always stumble through this world.
Because this is not my home.
My home is with my Forever Father in our Forever Home.


  1. Wow. "Amen" is about all I can think to write. Thanks for sharing this.

  2. Wow...what a heart-touching post. I'm so very thankful that you are there to pour the love of Jesus into those beautiful children.

  3. Beautiful Chrissy. You will never ever be able to go back to life as you previously knew it now, will you?

  4. Chrissy!
    this is Sam Lorton. We used to go to church together way back in yester-years...

    Wow.. I just found your blog and am also just jumping into the bloggin world myself. Yours has impacted me so much. I have been wanting to get into some sort volunteer work like this for awhile and seeing your blog has completely moved me. I think what you are doing is amazing and I will be praying for you and all your children daily. God Bless my dear and I hope we can now keep in touch throughout blogging world!

  5. Chrissy, I love how you express your feelings. We all feel close to the same thing that you do. I pray strength and anointing as you hold and care for each life God puts in front of you. I leave for Yemen and Cairo in a week. Can't wait.
    Loving prayers

  6. Oh Chrissy. You encourage my heart in so many ways.